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RB3
Casual Contributor

Help for a Carer with no workable plan

Hi, my 78 year old mother is mentally ill (she has been my entire life) and now also very forgetful. My father died late last year, she is still grieving and with COVID struggling to find her way. She is pretty self sufficient but relies on my heavily for company. She gets depressed and sometimes threatens suicide.  Since she has done this constantly for the 56 years I have been alive I believe it is a way for her to verbalise how bad she is feeling. In her happier moments she agrees.  This threat triggers my brother badly and he gets angry. I am tired. I work etc.  I find it very hard to times feel compassion towards her. I understand everything intellectually but she is so unlike me I struggle when she is down.  I no longer know how to manage this situation now Dad has died. We used to work together. She refuses all normal avenues of help.  I am not even sure what I am asking LOL. Any tips greatly appreciated.  She is a depressive, bi polar and has psychotic episodes. She was also given deep sleep therapy with huge doses of barbituates and shock therapy around 1967.  I would feel better if I had a plan I could swing into action.

9 REPLIES 9

Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan

Hello @RB3  and welcome to the forum 

letting you know that you are not alone my friend 

I have just become a carer for my elderly mum who is 89 ---

maybe becoming her carer might be an option 

Here is a link also Carers Hints and tips to Success 

and also other members have other tips for you @Former-Member , @outlander@Faith-and-Hope 

also there is Carers gateway to look up too 

my mum does not like any help -- she wants me to do it 

she has exceptes "Meals on Wheels" which took a long time but it is good 

Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan

Online Event // Our rights as mental health carers - with Mental Health Carers NSW // Tues Oct 13, 7... 

 

@RB3  the link above is on this tuesday night if you like to look at 

 

Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan

Thank you

Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan

hello @RB3 , how are you my friend 

Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan

hi I have had a look at a few of the link you posted. Thanks.  She was very down when I saw her but i showed her how to make fruit and vege smoothies and she was very excited by that. Today she was frightened because she couldn't work out the phone to ring me.  I have left instructions in a couple of places but in her muddle she couldnt find them. I am doing some up and will laminate and put on the wall near her phone. Her forgetfulness is extreme when she is depressed.  Thanks for checking in. I am glad  I finally used this forum which I joined in May

Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan

always here for you @RB3 

my mum is showing old age dementia after having bowel obstructions and a broken hip 

takes a lot of patience and understanding 

and we have to look after ourselves too to look after others 

showed her how to make fruit and vege smoothies and she was very excited by that.--- that was lovely , you may have to show her again but it will be new to her again 

just remember your self care too --- I am still learning to find that balance 

Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan

Thanks. Yes I am expecting to have to show her a few times. Self care is not my strong point LOL. I have horses so they keep me grounded.

Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan

how many horses do you have @RB3 

Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan

In March I had 6 now 5.
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