Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Instead of sleeping after taken strong antidepressants , l am here to vent my anger after my session with my Psychologist.

I see him weekly now and with lockdown restrictions its done via zoom, which is normally fine but last few sessions have been tense over a misunderstanding and even though l have accepted his apology , he feels l am still punishing him, which l am not .

I feel todays session which was based on feedback was too intense and l should have told him to change the topic but didnt and one thing lead to another and before you know it , we are both getting really angry and lashing at each other. Its been the constant that we take what we say to each other , personal and l hate feeling like l want to dump him.

I have worked with him for over 2 and a half years and although l can get along with him, there seems a shift. 

I dont know , maybe its me being over the tense that is between us and l really want to reach out but l find myself holding back and throwing up those protective walls even with him.

I am not going to start over with a new one as he knows too much, and l wouldnt want to anyway.

Maybe a weeks space of no contact will settle the tension ????

I cant deal with myself most days without having to worry about his feelings also .

[frog]

Hi @Former-Member that sounds incredibly stressful.

I have had a small thing with my psychologist in the last few days that upset me, but your post put it into perspective. Just wanted to say that I agree: you should not have to worry about his feelings. To my mind one of the reasons for seeing a psychologist is so that they can hold space for you and allow you to express your emotions, whatever they are. Sometimes it's ok to be challenged, but it sounds like it's beyond that.

I hope that the weeks gap helps. If you are seeing him again, it might be worth laying down some ground rules around what you can and can't deal with atm.

I also hope that some of the intensity lessens enough for you to get some time out and sleep.

Take care.

[periwinklepixie]

Hey @Former-Member 

Conflict with therapists is hard. Something my Psychologist has often said to me is that Therapy can be a really good place to practice for other relationships. For myself and her it means my Therapy sessions are a safe place to practice setting boundaries and conflict resolution when conflict arises.

With that being said, it sounds like your Therapist may be going through some of their own stuff. And that's not yours to carry. 🙂

Have you heard or counter-transference? It's like when a Therapist transfers issues from their life onto a client. So maybe something about the way you are getting upset at them is reminding them of someone in their life and that is why they are reacting so strongly? Just a thought, I'm not sure of your situation of course! 

It sounds like some distance might help and like I said, it could be an opportunity to practice repairing a challenging relationship? If that's what you want, naturally. 

Thinking of you, 
- periwinklepixie 

[Arizona]

Hi @Former-Member 

Can you talk to him on the phone instead of in Zoom for the rest of the lockdown? I talk to my therapist on the phone. I couldn't talk in Zoom, I would find it too confronting having someone's face in my face like that.

It doesn't sound right that he is taking things personally and getting angry with you. It doesn't sound professional. He is supposed to be supporting you.

Can you talk to him about how you are feeling? 

[Owen45]

I can identify, I had many frustrating sessions with psychologists and psychiatrists.  Thankfully, I don't consult them anymore. I do my own mental health recovery and self care management.

[Former-Member]

Hello @frog 

Thanks , l played a movie on my laptop and had it playing in  bed with me and l fell asleep that way.

I know l give as good as l get and l l too maybe pushed the boundaries and it was wrong of me to do so , but in that given moment l let it fly and he let it fly back with his tone change and unnecessary from both ends.

I did offer a truce at the end and  left it at that.

Human connections can be hard especially for myself who now , l am off work l dont communicate with external people anymore. I actually no longer have any friends left as they were lost years ago , sure l know people by association , work etc. But no one to call on when l need someone to hear me.

I might suggest we do up a contract of rules to follow and maybe that will work.

[Former-Member]

Hi @periwinklepixie 

I think my own relationship with myself is enough ATM without adding others into the mix , LOL.

So far he has dropped the ball in showing his otherside and thats not what l need to see at this moment. 

He feels that its not part of his role to allow that side to be seen at least by his paitents / clients but he let it slip and l took the brunt of his anger. He feels his apology should be enough to move on. 

I should move on , l'm sorry l cannot shut off that kind of display and get over it. I had people and relationships that are long in the past because of that behaviours. 

I shouldnt feel afraid of him , actually scared for the first time since meeting him. HE is young and needs years to perfect the skills to be a competant Psychologist. 

I dont know whats going on in his personal life  , nor is it my business to know so. If he is having issues , he can consult with his mentor etc. 

[Former-Member]

Hello @Arizona 

I think the whole zoom thing is exactly used for the looking and observing the behaviours and responses in myself and that certain topics make me scratch myself without a thought that l am doing it. 

Well l really need to drop my anger , not just with him but with everything around me. I just sent him an sms with alternative suggestion to move forward . 

He has made a mention that as the professional he should know better to allow his feeling to be so harsh. That side is better left for friends and family l say. 

Lets see where this ends up ????

[Former-Member]

Hello @Owen45 

I think l am not ready to take full care of my issues or mental health at this moment. 

I hate to admit it , but l really do need his help more than l care to express.

Hopefully we can move forward...

[pinklollipop15]

Hi

I can understand your frustration and anger in your post. I find it unprofessional that he got angry with you and I wonder about his professional boundaries in the relationship with you. If you give it a few days and allow yourself to process things then think about whether this psychologist and continuing the relationship is the best option for you at this time and going forward. There are many psychologists out there and being angry towards you does not seem helpful for you. I hope this helps in some way. I think he is a professional and his feelings are valid but as his client you must put yourself first.