Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[CherryBomb]

As a few members @BeHappy @Cat64 and @LivingAdl have touched on tonight that they feel quite alone and isolated.

It's not uncommon for carers to feel like they are carrying a huge load by themselves. I like the idea of creating your own social network, and pulling your own resources together. It could be done by asking friends who you can trust will be objective, to sit with you and hear you. Or it might even be meeting with other family members to make a plan and work together. Or as @Flick trying to create more open communication with our health professionals? Trying to gather social resources so that you're not alone.

What do other think - could these be things we try and do more often? I suspect it easier said then done. So I would love to hear what others think.

[Shaz51]

very Interesting @Flick, wished i knew where to turn to when i needed the resources

[Flick]

@Shaz51 I'm really sorry to hear how lonely and hard the situation is.

The question of what can we do is always multi-layered. Sometimes what we need to do is eat some good food, have a rest and some good sleep, and keep going (I'm sure you know that one well!)

Sometimes we need to work collectively to change things for carers, people in crisis, and our communities. 

Usually it's somewhere in between those two - between the "what right this minute" and "what do I want in the big picture for my community" that is especially hard. I personally believe we need changes in our mental health system so that people are not alone in this kind of difficulty - and I guess that's what SANE is trying to do with these forums, and what I'm trying to do by speaking about Open Dialogue in every forum possible (including to the government and influential mental health figures). But I really understand that that doesn't help right now, with what you are grappling with.

I'm interested to hear what other people think we can do?

[Flick]

@CherryBomb I couldn't agree more - part of this approach, I think, is to find a way to identify and draw on our networks.

Open Dialogue meetings support this growing network, not just asking carers now - "who else can you get support from?" but really talking about what is needed, what is happening, how do people understand their experiences. I think in a crisis, people tend to feel like they've exhausted all their options - that's what a crisis means!

I'll share a bit about my own experience with this - I have been suicidal before myself, a couple of times, and in those moments felt completely alone. I had some mental health supports in my life and friends, but I didn't feel like I could really get the help I needed. 

The last year of my life has involved a lot of building my networks, to complement and sometimes replace mental health services. I realised I don't ever want to go to hospital again, so I realised I needed to build myself a safety net. I know who the "3 am" people are, who I can call at 3am, the people I just have fun with (who might be not that skilled with me when I'm in distress, but sure know how to take my mind off things), the people I can ask to water my garden when I'm away ... I know this sounds so much easier than it actually is in reality. I mean, I KNOW it in my bones because I really did feel alone enough to try to die. 

But I guess I also realise the limitations of the current mental health system - there are some fantastic workers, some wonderful services, etc, but it has its limitations. And I don't want those limitations to lead to me or anyone I love dying or suffering for a prolonged period of time.

[BeHappy]

Hi @Flick

I've often felt helpless. I guess its because I feel like an ant trying to change the system - ants are tiny strong creatures that can carry a lot of weight, but in the end they are a spec in the bigger scheme of things. 

The idea of a community approach to caring for people is something that I've always stood up for, but its hard into today's age where there is a real lack of community values. People stick to themselves. We are a very individualistic culture so changing things to a community approach might be hard. It goes against the grain of society.

But what i have found helpful to find my peeps. Find like minded people. In all honesty, there have been times where I felt overwhelmed, and I've spoken about it with others, and they've been able to provide some great ideas. It's just hard opening up, but once you do, and find people that get you, it can be really powerful.

[Shaz51]

Thank you @Flick, I have learn so much , and SANE forums have been so helpful to me and my husband ,

[CherryBomb]

thanks for sharing your experiences @Flick 

Like what @BeHappy a social network can really help to fill in parts of your life - they may not necessarily fill in huge gaps, but they may be able to help out with small pockets here and there. People can provide different levels of support. As you pointed out @Flick some of them are to have fun, others are to call upon for emotional support during a crisis,

@Flick may I ask, while you were working through feeling sucicidal, how did you discover your social networks? Where they hard to see? 

[Shaz51]

I totally agree @BeHappy, I found it very hard at the beginning , now i feel i have grown up more you could say -- asking more questions , understanding my husband that i know what he is feeling , still a long way to go , like included my stepchildren in everything their dad is going through .

[Flick]

@CherryBombwrote:

It sounds like having an extra pair of ears - without any biases because they are 'less involved' is helpful to mirror back what it is said so people can hear. 

---

What you're saying is partly right, in the sense that an extra pair of ears is helpful, and part of the role of the Open Dialogue faciliators is to mirror things back, in a useful way.

But it's also not quite true to say they are "without any biases". What's really interesting about Open Dialogue is that everyone is able to speak their truth, and sometimes people might share that they have multiple different ideas going on at once- maybe we are hopeful on one hand and scared on the other, or open to an idea but also wanting to say that our previous experience has not been good. In Open Dialogue, we call it "inner polyphony" - the different voices in our own thinking. Open Dialogue is partly about increasing the polyphony - bringing in new voices. Each voice is as valid as any other.

[CherryBomb]

Thanks for clarifying @Flick - so its like making space for everyone to have their say, to express their truth, while accepting that someone might have a different truth to our own, but it doesn't make it wrong. Is that more accurate?

I just realised we only have 25 minutes left. Now is the time to get in any final questions or thoughts for Flick so she can have enough time to repond. 

My question for you @Flick is when/can we expect to see have 'Open Dialogue' in formal settings in Australia?