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Something’s not right

Tiggar2
New Contributor

Unstable thoughts.

So I'm here because I m crying again . Been like this for last 3 days . I don't know how to stop. Didn't know who to talk to at 2am. I've tried to commit suicide twice and have been fighting these thoughts. I just saw my psychologist last week and was in a different head space then. I'm trying not to do this for my children but my life is mostly messed up. I don't think I m worth anything and this is reflected in my life now. I've never in my life been happy. I don't know what to do.

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Unstable thoughts.

@Tiggar2  Hi Tiggar2 I can thoroughly recommend Suicide callback service (24 Hrs)
1300 659 467. I have used there service a few times and if you contact them now you should be able to get through quite quickly.

 

Hoping your day is a little bit better for you. Take care peax

Re: Unstable thoughts.

@Tiggar2 

Find mental health care people who will work with you in a therapuetic way.  Try and deflect the Suicidal thoughts.  Dont let them win, they are not the whole picture.  You are worth a decent life.

Smiley Happy

Re: Unstable thoughts.

Hi @Tiggar2 and welcome to the forum.

It's a really hard place to be in, feeling and thinking that you're not worth anything. It's also really tiring to be fighting thoughts like you are. You mentioned being in a different headspace when you last saw your psych. Is it possible to connect with your psych again now things have changed? How long until you see them again?

I find it helpful to connect with others who have been through it and who get it, and it's good to see you reaching out. The forum can be a bit quiet overnight but usually by morning it starts getting busier. Keep posting if it helps. There's lots of understanding and support here.

Re: Unstable thoughts.

Dear Tiggar2

How old are your children? I have been like you are, in the past, and know how exhausting it is. Just to get out of bed is a major job. You need to concentrate on yourself right now, so if your children are not old enough to care for themselves, perhaps you should think about taking some time out. Perhaps your children could go to a family member or a friend for a week or so. This will free up some time for you to rest and care for yourself and most importantly to arrange daily visits to your psychologist and ask her/him to recommend a good book for you to read throughout the week, nothing too heavy. Writing also helps a lot. It's an age old healing technique that i use a lot. Visualisation techniques have a remarkable affect on our mood and beliefs. I wish i could lie you down and stroke your hair and talk you through something special. Perhaps you could ask your psychologist to put you through some visualization methods about self worth.

Oh Tiggar2 you need solid care and attention now. Are you on medications? If so how long is it since your doctor or psychiatrist did a review of your meds?

Please keep in touch with all of us... we are here for you!

I used to have the lowest possible self-esteem and literally detested everything about myself. One day i sat down and wrote a poem about myself... the good and not so good aspects about myself. Perhaps you could try to do something along these lines.

It's called the sum of me...

 

Come hither thine spirit

Bring forward thy soul

Let the sum of me

Live as a whole

It’s okay, don’t be afraid

Bring it all together

Don’t pick one piece

I want you to see it all

For the sum of me

Is worth so much more

Come forward all aspects of me

Come just as you are

No pretense shall you bring

Please also deliver the child within

Come hither thine spirit

Bring forward thy soul

Let the sum of me

Live as a whole

Fears and regrets galore

Old scars and new wounds let me see you

Anger and resentment are welcome too

I need to have all of you

Happiness and blissful memories

Love and tender qualities

You need to be at the fore

So, you can dance together for forever more

Come hither thine spirit

Bring forward thy soul

Let the sum of me

Live as a whole

Now all of you are here

The sum of me appears

What sheer beauty has been achieved

My mind and heart are so relieved

Take a look at me, everyone

I’m proud of it all

I may not be perfect

But now I stand tall

Come hither thine spirit

Bring forward thy soul

Let the sum of me

Live as a whole

The sum of me is wondrous

I can hardly believe it’s me

I consider myself a beauty

Whom I love with such intensity.

 

We look forward to hearing from you again Triggar2.

With love

CKS

 

 

Re: Unstable thoughts.

Hi @Tiggar2 
I am sorry that things seem so difficult for you at the moment. It's great that you've found your way to this supportive community in which you will find that many others have experienced thoughts of suicide. I can see that various members have already warmly welcomed you to the forums and shared something of their own perspectives on fighting those thoughts. I want to join them in welcoming you and am also going to send you an email in a moment to see how you are this morning. As @greenpea mentioned the Suicide Callback Service can be a handy resource if you need some professional support to keep yourself safe at any time, or Lifeline. Take care 

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Re: Unstable thoughts.

@silverspoon Hello,thank you for your kind message on the forum. It helped to calm me down a bit. I have not been feeling well for a few days. May be started one week ago. I suffer schizoefffective disorder which is quite difficult to get under control. I work nearly full time which helps. I was engaged to marry twenty eight years ago. But my father made it to break apart. My father did a lot of other things to keep me tightly controlled. That trauma still lives with me. The one thing I find most difficult is that I am alone. I am fifty and single. I have been friends with a male friends for seven years. But it is not moving closer to marriage. I have dark thoughts. That I can’t make it to the next day. I feel not worthy, I want to punish my father by killing myself. I feel empty. 

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