Thanks everyone for your kind words and continued support. @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @Starta @Peri @outlander @Mumi @Sophia1 @Tufftimes @greenpea @Appleblossom
Everything seems to have been on hold this past week, since I last posted. Its a matter of wait, wait and then wait some more.
Hubby remains unwell. He has been having what seems like mini-blackouts, almost every day now. I took him to see his GP urgently last Thursday and he said I had done the right thing by increasing his steriod (anti-inflammatory) dosage, and suggested I increase it further to hopefully keep him stable while we wait to see the Neurologist on Saturday week. Its what they would do if it turns out to be the immune-mediated encephalitis which hit him so badly last year anyway. Only in much higher doses. Really hope thats not the case, as this medication bloats them and makes them extremely volatile and angry. He's bad enough without that. I only hope the neuro can work out whats happening and can fix it ... whether it be encephalitis, fast deterioration of Parkinsons thanks to the encephalitis last year, or a reaction to the Parkinsons meds. Given he already has bad anxiety with his PTSD and heavy depression due to his cancer diagnosis and Parkinsons Disease diagnosis coming in quick succession, he is not in a very good place mentally right now. So we wait and see, trying my best to keep him safe until such time as we get to see the experts.
We are getting nowhere with my Mum's cancer of the spleen. Nothing happens quickly when it comes to rural medicine. Still waiting to hear word of when she can see a specialist in the city to determine how far advanced her cancer is, what treatment options are available to her, and a likely prognosis. She is sounding very resigned to a quick end, she sounds depressed. How I wish I could be there for her, to sort things out and do things for her. She is my Dads carer, and he had a stroke last October, from which he never fully recovered. They are a fine pair, neither capable of looking after the other, but steadfastly refusing any outside help. Which incidentally they are entitled to and approved for. I organised all that for them when I last visited when Dad was in hospital last October. But its such a long way to get there, 7 hours drive, and I dont feel up to doing it right now. Even if I were able to organise a respite carer for hubby while I'm gone. I will look at going by train I think, as soon as I feel able to leave hubby for a few days. My Mum may not be around much longer, and my Dad is much the same.
My brother and his wife, and their unexpected pregnancy. Gosh, what a worry. They had a series of blood tests a little over a week ago to check the health of the growing baby. My SIL is 12 weeks in now. They were expecting results last Friday but nothing came through. They finally got results yesterday, and they indicate a chromosomal problem. My SIL is 45yo and these problems increase considerably at this age, so it wasnt entirely unexpected. But I think they were remaining hopeful that all would be fine. Its hit them now, that something possibly serious may be wrong, and my brother is devastated. They now have to undergo further ultrasounds and an intrusive, possibly risky to bub, blood test to confirm the other results. There is a small chance that the tests were wrong, but these next tests will be what they base any decisions on. I dont know how my brother (particularly) will cope with all this. He is on a stack of ADs to treat his own PTSD which he developed thanks to the car accident which killed his 11yo daughter going on 4 years ago. This could just be the straw which breaks the camels back if the initial results are confirmed. I'm not sure he or his wife and kids can cope with this news on top of their dreadful trauma's of less than 4 years prior. I am so worried about him, as well as his immediate family. I am feeling utterly heartbroken for them. 💔
None of these things happening to those nearest and dearest to me is helping my own mental state. I have just come through a really difficult couple of months which badly triggered my PTSD, and I am still recovering from that. Still not sleeping, still highly anxious ... now becoming badly depressed. Life totally sucks right now. I so wanted, in fact needed, some good news regarding my brother and SIL's baby. It would have given all of us a boost, including my Mum who would be a Nan all over again. Dreams and miracles only happen for other people, not us. I feel so terribly sad right now, and every time I think of my struggling loved ones, I have those persistent tears trickling down my face again. They just wont stop. Deep breaths ... calming thoughts ... people need me to be strong for them. I wish I could see my psychologist again, but unfortunately she's away on a family holiday and I cannot see her again for a few more weeks. Sigh.
Sherry 😥🧡🐶
