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Powderfinger
Senior Contributor

Super stressed about money and work.

I need help, support and advice. 

 

I'm SUPER stressed about money and work. When I was with the super bit...h I had no time for work. I always had to be with her, could never my life or work. 

 

I had/have a business. That went south because of her massive control and possessiveness. I missed my business and work so much. Now that I can get back to work, the extensive damage she has caused has made this very difficult for me. I hate her. I feel like I want to take all her money as compensation r everything I lost and continue to lose. But oh no nothing she did was a crime in the laws eyes. What a load of horse sh...t. it should be a crime. Abuse no matter what type should be a crime in Australia, not a civil matter. Nothing civil about it. 

 

So, Im struggling financially and things are getting worse. This is causing me more stress, anxiety and I want to break down and cry everyday. 

 

I need to work. I need extra money coming in. I hate this for me. I hear nothing but her voice in my head constantly. 

 

Please help me and support me so I can get past this to work. I can't do everything alone. 

 

22 REPLIES 22

Re: Super stressed about money and work.

I'm looking at your situation. There's a vibe to it......To me it looks like you might be in something I heard about ages ago and can't even remember where I heard it.......something like "love vs control". Those are the words I'm thinking about.

Love and control.

Both needs. But they kind of contradict each other.

I'm stuck because I want you to have all the money and the power and the power and the money and I also want you to simply accept and love your natural self.

 

 

Re: Super stressed about money and work.

@wellwellwellnez 

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 It's incredibly difficult for anyone to understand the cruelty and evilness of this person. I'm still trying to define what type of narcissist she is. At the moment I'm leaning to the sociopathic narcissist. It's so isolating and lonely going through this. It takes a long time for a victim to recover. Very few people understand what it is like for a victim. It's not just domestic violence. Think along the lines of Jeffrey Dahmer etc....   just without the murder part of themselves. 

Re: Super stressed about money and work.

Hi @Powderfinger,

My brother recently went through what you are going through. What worked for him was getting onto an online dating site and finding someone who was the opposite of his ex. I think he was incredibly lucky so I don't know if it would work for you or not. You may need some time to heal. A lot of time. My brother nearly went around the twist obsessing about his ex. He had to plunge into a new relationship and even now his ex relationship can spill over into his current relationship. He told his new girlfriend about his ex and she is very supportive. Although it sounds as if you also need to put in some time to work. I think the trick is striking a balance between the relationship with your partner, work, your friends, loved ones including your family, children, pets, exercise and time for yourself. In today's fast paced world this is very hard to achieve so be kind to yourself. You can only do what you can do. My very best wishes for a happy life eventually.

lost9

Re: Super stressed about money and work.

Hi @Powderfinger 
I'm sorry you are going through this and feeling so alone. I hear you for what it's worth.

I don't know what you are doing for money right now, but could I suggest you try accessing government support for a while to give yourself some time to recover from the breakdown of your relationship.

I feel that maybe this is not a good time to be job hunting with the pandemic and associated restrictions and your delicate mental and emotional state.

Idea 1 is to consider applying to Centrelink for the DSP or Sickness Benefit (if such a thing still exists) to tide you over until you are in better shape to get a job outside the home. I applied for DSP several years ago. My GP filled in the medical application forms with support of the MH professionals I was seeing at the time. Is this something you would be willing and able to do?

Idea 2 is to engage with the NDIS which, I believe provides a personal MH support worker as well as assistance in finding employment. I don't know anything more about it but think some forum members are familiar with the scheme and process. Or you could contact the NDIS office in your area if you feel up to it.

You mentioned that you had/have a business that you used to enjoy. Is this something you can see yourself working at again in the future?

With NDIS, or if you do receive financial support through Centrelink I believe you can do both. As your business earnings increase the government support is decreased etc. Again I'm not 100% sure about this.

These are just a couple of ideas I had and I wanted to share them with you. Unfortunately I am somewhat removed from the system having chosen to live out of town and off the grid for the past 2.5 years.

I wish you the best of luck with your healing process and your work and money issues.

Take care, RedHorse 🌹🐴

Re: Super stressed about money and work.

Oh I wasn't trying to minimise, but I think I did and I apologise.

 

I know these things are real. I also think a lot about what it does to people. I was trying to focus on you because yours is the recovery that I'm focussed on. (and this other person isn't here and for all I know isn't even trying to get help.)

 

But yeah, you're right and I should stress, you do not need to intenalize. First step of any abuser is to convince the abusee that the abuse is ok. You're taking your ok back. Respect.

Re: Super stressed about money and work.

You know what, there was another thing I wanted to say, It also might sound silly. i just want to share as many tools as I can. You mentioned this person was in your head and I can relate. I want to talk about it using a different example.

 

Recently I had the Pokemon theme song stuck well and truly in my head. At first I was happy to have it there and then it got too much. I needed it to go but couldn't replace it silence. So, eventually I replaced it with other songs. I had to choose the songs carefully. Songs with the same energy but different shapes. I chose 80s power ballads like "Final Countdown" and "We Need a Hero". Now all of the songs live together in harmony and I can draw on all my other genres when I need them.

 

I still struggle with people in my head. Most people I know really. It's kind of a trait of mine even on a good day. Changing the song in your head is easier. But, from where I am, in my process, it's kind of comparable.

 

 

Re: Super stressed about money and work.

@Lost9 

 

Thanks for the ideas. No, I'm definitely not interested in jumping into a new relationship nor dating sites. I'm not sure what your brother went through. I'm not going to compare him to me though. I'm not obsessing over her. I'm not even obsessing. I'm trying to process the hell I endured and barely endured. There is a restraining order in place now due to her stalking. I have no interest in being with her nor being in a relationship. I certainly would not bring my current hell into a new relationship anyway. Thanks for sharing though. 

Re: Super stressed about money and work.

@RedHorse 

 

I'm not very good at replying to long posts because my brain can only hold a little at a time currently. 

 

Thanks for sharing. I'm on DSP. It isn't enough. As a result of her I got into debt. I want to clear it. I was under so much control. I couldn't breathe without her wondering how many breaths I took in one minute. An example of the serious control. 

 

As for NDIS. I wasn't interested in it when it came out and am still not interested. I've seen to much drama and stress other people go through and I didn't want to become dependant on it. 

 

As for my business, I'm sticking with it. I'm established in my career. It's just that my business went south because I couldn't work as a result of her control, possessiveness and not allowing me to work. Then I really had a very severe meltdown. I had my only friend stay with me for a month because I was suicidal. It's all I thought about for weeks. I wouldn't be here if she didn't stay for that time. I still am 50% suicidal on most days. 

 

I know it's not right for me to be working at all right now. I'm stuck, I need the money so I don't have much choice in it. I will just have to take small jobs instead of big projects I usually take and maybe one at a time. I'm so angry with how she has destroyed me and my life. 

Re: Super stressed about money and work.

@wellwellwellnez 

 

Thank you for the apology, accepted. I don't know anymore. I really don't. I'm in a bad way. Wanting to relapse with drugs and fighting suicidal ideation. I've actually gone back to my woodworking a little. I went to my shed yesterday and worked on a project a little. Had some music playing and just worked a bit. I never thought about things once while I was doing it. Today, I went out for the first time in a long time. Now the restraining order is in place. Went to the beach and had a picnic. Stayed for four hours, it was really good. Of course I'm severely unwell. I'm just trying to survive at the moment. I just keep saying to myself. I have been and am the victim of horrific circumstances. I was heavily controlled and abused. I making this mine and I don't care if it doesn't suit anyone else. They aren't me, living my life. I now get to decide in every single moment. I'm still very tormented by her. I suffered alot. One day the story will be out. When I'm brave enough and strong enough to feel that my story will be believed and that I will be believed. Thanks to her, she stuffed that up for me as well. Even got to the point where I believed I had it all wrong and I was making it up. It's taking time to work with my head that I wasn't. 

 

PF

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