Lived Experience Forum

[Sunflower44]

Hello,

This is my first post on here. 

I struggle a lot with anxiety. I’ve had quite severe depression in the past however it’s always been the anxiety that’s been the real battle.

Recently my anxiety has taken its toll (not sleeping, no appetite, very emotional). I think this has stemmed from my partner and I moving in together soon and the reality of what that entails. We’ve been together almost 3 years. Long story short, I haven’t wanted to live with anyone prior to engagement or marriage; he has said he doesn’t want to get engaged etc prior to living together. Hence I have sinced “caved” on my own beliefs for him.

Like I said this has all played on my anxiety big time lately. I’ve been getting to the point of exhaustion and lack of motivation. Does anyone have any helpful tips/advice?

Thank you. 

[Leighyu]

Hello,

I just wanted to start by saying, Im sorry you are struggling at the moment. Depression and anxiety are not easy to live with. I have a lived experience.

In regards to your circumstances, it sounds like a very difficult situation. In that either way, the other party gets the short straw. Whether you have it your way, or his way. 'Caving' on your own beliefs for love happens on the regular, to anyone, although it isnt always the right way of going on it. In every relationship, there are boundaries. Each individual stands by their own firm core values, belief system and standards that they uphold. To break these for the sake of another, no matter who they are, would be difficult for the strongest person, let alone someone with mental health ailments. 

Is there any way a compromise can be made? Perhaps, if you had your own space in your own private section of the house you reside in. And then there is scheduled time 'together'. Or you spend time away from him. Schedule it in. Including meals alone. Or with family or friends. I understand moving out and going back to your belief system would be difficult and would put a strain on your relationship. But there must be a compromise. It isn't fair that you must suffer physical symptoms for someone elses happiness. Love should be a two way street. And learning to meet each other in the middle. 

I wish you all the best. 

Regards,

Leighyu

[Sunflower44]

Hi @Leighyu,

Thank you so much for your reply. What you’ve said has made a lot of sense to me. And if I’m honest, I plan on speaking with my partner more when I see him tomorrow. Especially since he isn’t aware of the extent of my current anxiety struggles. 

I also agree with what you’ve said about compromise. And I think we need to set some ground rules. I currently live with my brother and have lived independently for years now. I’m thinking part of my issues could be to do with giving up some of my “space” and not having as much physical space from him (compared to what I have now). 

The one thing I have tried to make clear is that I don’t want to live together and get really comfortable and never get married. And I understand my anxieties play into all of this a lot.

Thank you once again for your advice and insight. This has helped me a lot already 🙂

[outlander]

hi @Sunflower44 and welcome
how are you going since your first post here?
I can relate to quite a lot such as lack of sleep and appetitie and feeling emotional.