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Something’s not right

chb
New Contributor

Partner broke up because of my undiagnosed BPD

Hi, I guess I’m just looking for kind words and advice. My partner of 3 years has broken up with me because of my ‘anger and rage outbursts’. I always knew something was wrong with me and I tried so hard to find out what it is… recently I have been on D*** for about 2 months and the outbursts before going on this medication were quite harmless. During the last 2 months being on this medication I have noticed the silliest things triggered me and I went into a full on rage phase calling my partner nasty, harmful words which I have instantly regretted right after. It was almost like I had no control of what I said, I felt so much guilt and regret right after and apologised and noticed all the things I’ve said to him are a projection of what I believe about myself and not him. He has broken up because he couldn’t take it anymore and he is struggling with depression and ptsd himself. I don’t know how I am ever able to forgive myself for that. We were planning on starting a family soon as well. I have tried to explain to him that this is not my true self and something is wrong with me, and I need help and treatment. I hate any form of abuse and are usually a genuine, kind and caring soul. He did not believe me as I have not had a formal diagnosis yet. I did not actively choose this behaviour and I felt misunderstood my whole life. I am just heartbroken losing my person over something I have so little control over and looking for some guidance and kind words please. 😢

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Partner broke up because of my undiagnosed BPD

Hi @chb ,

 

It sure sounds so tough at the moment. I'm sorry to hear how hard it is.

 

But we want you to know you are not alone. 

 

We have a BPD community here you'd might like to connect with and ask any questions. You can have a look here: Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

 

I hope you find the connection, support and belonging you deserve.

 

Kindest, tyme

Re: Partner broke up because of my undiagnosed BPD

I’m sorry to hear this. BPD can certainly wreak havoc in lives especially if people don’t understand it @chb .

 

I have BPD and there’s still so much I don’t know about it. I’ve been through treatment though and it’s been the best thing ever!

 

I used to hate life, but I can honestly say I love life so much now. Things have really turned for the better.

 

I encourage you to seek the support you need so that you can get back on track again. It’s worth it because BPD is definitely treatable.the main thing is that you have to want to be better and really work hard at it.

 

all the best @chb 

Re: Partner broke up because of my undiagnosed BPD

How are you @chb ? I'm thinking of you.

Re: Partner broke up because of my undiagnosed BPD

Thank you for checking up! I’m doing okay. I have a BPD assessment coming up in 5 days so I hope this will confirm my suspicions and give me some answers. Since looking into BPD more I feel like I catch myself more often when I get frustrated or angry over small things and know when to walk away from people to de-stress and not leash out. My (ex)partner still has a hard time understanding but is open to learn more about it. Thank you 

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