Not Coping

[ENKELI]

@tonys I am not at all offended, enkeli is not a gender identifying word so it could go either way lol! And I call my female friends mate as well.

I don't think I want a partner now. I spent the last 8 years in a relationship with my best friend and while it wasn't romantic I thought I'd found someone I could be with forever. 
I am wistful now, thinking how my own mother would have loved grandkids and missed out. 

I can look on the bright side and think of all the things I was able to do because I was single and childless but having a partner would be nice, someone to go see a movie with, go out to dinner with, that kind of stuff.

I don't hold myself in high esteem, the past year tore any ego I may have had from me. I'm sure I'll heal in time, but for now I am happy to be with my people on SANE.

As Jeff Fenech says, I love youse all 😍💖

[Jynx]

@Birdofparadise8 if she won't respect your boundary, you can enforce it - e.g. hang up on her next time she goes to bathroom whilst on the phone to you. 

[Birdofparadise8]

I try that, and she gets annoyed @Jynx 

She thinks its funny.

[Jynx]

@Shaz51 just take it slow, one step at a time hun. Always takes time to process new stuff, and deal with information overload. You got this 💜

[Birdofparadise8]

I hope you're okay @Shaz51 

[creative_writer]

@Birdofparadise8, I’ve been trying to distract myself which helps a bit. Since feeling low, I guess it’ll have to be for now.

@Shaz51, I hope you can rest up and the appointments went okay💖. Not feeling the best right now

[ENKELI]

@StanD I love your poem, it resonates deeply. And the meaning behind your name. I am an Eminem and Dido fan also.

When I was in my late teens, early 20s I decided I wanted to learn another language and chose Finnish for no other reason except because I could. This was back in the bad old days before internet so it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I did learn some but I wouldn't be able to hold a conversation anymore. enkeli means angel. The word spoke to me because I liked the way it looked and sounded. It could have meant smoked haddock and I still would have liked it! 

What you are going through I relate to, I didn't move town but I moved house, lost my best friend and resigned from my job to be a carer for my dad who then decided I wasn't equipped to be his carer so I am also looking for a new job.

Perfection is an illusion, we subconsciously strive for it to make ourselves feel we are worthy of this fallen world and it takes very little to topple our fragile egos. Sadly we're more often left alone to gather the shards of broken mirror and our hearts like that mirror can be put back together but they will always show imperfection and damage.

I am finding this forum more helpful than I ever expected. I am not being shut down, told I am unworthy or a myriad of other words that wound. I feel accepted.

I hope your Tuesday has been a good one 😊

[ENKELI]

@tonys thank you for your kindness. You are good people 🤗

[Birdofparadise8]

I know how you feel @creative_writer 

I'm sending you a hug. I hope you like hugs.

[tonys]

OK . .   Thats good.    You sound alright @ENKELI .   I get a bit worried when I hear people pulling them

selves apart and down.    And then ..   Yes.    I overthink it.   We all have our little behaviour's,  Lol

You mentioned you used to wright a bit and I got a post from  Jynx about a poetry thread she started.

So one day I hope you will place something there.   A philosopher's time capsule.

I hope the thread takes flight but so often,  these things  find a shallow grave.   I had an explore a while back for writers threads.  One had 40 plus people in it and then it just,  up n died.  I wonder why threads die..

Is it the disposable fast food mind set.   I think its like those flocks of starlings that dart this way n that.

A hive mind that turns on a whim.

Well .  I wrote a piece to cheer you up in Jynxes poetry thread.  If I get half a smile.  That'll  do.

I think you would have been a good mum.  Pragmatism helps us past things,   but it has its limits,

hey  Enkeli.   When it comes to finding new love ,  friends,  anything.   I always think

never say never.       I'm not sure how old you are,   but the adventure never ends  Enkeli.    tonys.