Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

If you mean dead, then yes, my nan died in Sep this year. A reason why I attempted and goT into the hospital. 

Though friend ways, I've lost a lot @Blackbird11 

[Blackbird11]

Sorry to hear of your loss x @Birdofparadise8 hugs

I never met my pops and I've lost both nans and I lost my mum 13 years ago this December. I try to do her proud everyday, she was taken way too soon. We are who our ancestors prayed for. We have them behind us supporting and encouraging us. We are loved by those gone before us... feel the love

[Birdofparadise8]

Thank you @Blackbird11 

I feel like she is still in the nursing home. She had a long time left in her, but when she broke her arm last year it all went down hill. She was doing really well in July and started to struggle in August, and the last two weeks of her life were awful she was in a lot of pain and wouldn't eat. I was so sad not to be able to say goodbye to her. I think I'll need to go over that with my psych as well. 

[Blackbird11]

Yes these things are good to work through @Birdofparadise8 otherwise it gets too heavy to carry.

I never got to be in the room when my mum chose to leave. It has affected me so much... I miss her everyday. I know and feel her love from within. I look for signs and she shows herself to me and I smile or shed a tear. It's still hard you learn to carry it safely 

[Blackbird11]

Hey @Birdofparadise8 

Hope you are ok?

 

[Birdofparadise8]

I’m sorry to hear that @Blackbird11 

You must have had a great relationship. 

Could be better I didn't sleep very well last night. I had so many things on my mind. 

How are you?

[Blackbird11]

We did have a close good relationship 💚

Sorry to hear you didn't sleep well, I had a rough night too... must be Halloween energy ✨️

Do you have plans today? @Birdofparadise8 

[Birdofparadise8]

I don't think it has to do with Halloween. I'm not into th.at stuff. 

I'm very anxious. I think it has to do with Friday. I still can't stop thinking about it. I'm also thinking about tomorrow with my psych and GP and how both appointments will go. 

Though today I need to have a shower. I've been so lazy since coming home. Please don't judge me for that. I had Weerbix for dinner again last night. I want to make some chocolate chip cookies, go to Woolworths to get more Weetbix, cook dinner tonight, study, and probably cry and watch TV.

What did you think of what my uncle said?

What are you doing today @Blackbird11? 

[Birdofparadise8]

On another thing, I asked my uncle if he would like to catch up with me, and we were going to do something this Sunday, but we are not now. He mentioned a trivia night, and I said that sounded fun, but he said he was inviting my cousin and her husband. I'm okay with them coming and all. I'm not sure if I should mention to him I wanted to do something just us or if that was a bit rude. I was hoping for a bit of a personal chat together. @Blackbird11 

[Blackbird11]

Just remember it's only early days yet, it takes time and a great deal of motivation to get to self care. I'm proud of you for going to the efforts you have. It's a hard road. 

It's easy for your uncle to say that but it's understandable you are hurt and feel the way you do.

Upcoming appointments can create lots of anxiety, talking about our health is hard. I trust you will be listened to and attended to.

I'm just heading out to get into nature for a short time and go to an op shop with a friend. I'll be back on here later.

Be gentle with yourself,  you are important and very loved @Birdofparadise8