My special place

[Snowie]

Beautiful pic @Blackbird11 

I haven't been to Tas since I was a child. Would love to get back there sometime.

I hope you can get some employment you want. You certainly are an asset on here.

Can I ask you a question? Do you ever self sabotage yourself? Do you ever do things that are not good for you but give you that peace?

[Snowie]

I'm sorry @Blackbird11 shouldn't have asked that, just ignore it.

[Blackbird11]

Thank You @Snowie I deeply appreciate your feedback. You to shine light in the dark!

As for your question... I self-sabotage by catastrophising things and truly believing it is truth. Also following familiar patterns because they are safe and comfortable.

[Snowie]

I'm fell like I am self sabotaging myself. I don't do what my psych has said. It's not that I don't want too, it's that I get scared too.

I sh today to make myself feel better, even though it made me feel bad about myself. Sometimes I just don't understand myself.

[Jynx]

@Snowie I'm sorry to hear that you've SH today as a result of how intense you're feeling at the moment. Hope you patched yourself up, and please don't hesitate to get medical treatment if needed. And if you can, try not to dwell in shame - coping is coping, even when it's unhealthy. Sometimes all we can do is to try to do better tomorrow, and lean into other coping strategies when we can.  

Sounds like there's a lot of inner tension you're experiencing; conflicting needs and ideas from different parts of yourself. Super hard to sit with. Have you expressed to your psych that you do want to do those things, but that you're gripped by fear? Could make it easier if it's something you work on together. 

[Snowie]

It's under control for now @Jynx It has come up a bit lately. Feels like I have less and less control of my actions. But it does keep building, like blocks stacked on top of each other. It has to tip over at some stage. Then what? It's hard not to give in to those feelings of shame . I have phrases I repeat to myself but even then they are hard to believe at times. I guess the question is how many times you have to say it to yourself to believe it.

I have spoken a bit about those things with my psych. I think she gets frustrated with me. She must because I get frustrated with myself. 

I think I might just head to bed. Sleep is the best option.

Thanks @Jynx @Blackbird11 @Eve7 @Shaz51 for the chats and support. I hope you all get some sleep and tomorrow is a good one for you.

[Jynx]

@Snowie it's hard to feel like you're losing control, for sure. Hope your pdoc responds soon 🤞

Keep on repeating hun, and out loud too if you can - I find that repeating it aloud seems to give it more power. Makes it more real, and more true. 

Could be worth checking in with your psych to ask? That way you can get more insight into whether it's both of you, or just your own frustration being projected, and then work together on maybe shaking things up or trying something new. 

I'm off for tonight hun, but @tyme is around if you need. Catch you soon 💜

[Blackbird11]

Thank you for the chats @Snowie 

I hope you rest well and tomorrow is a new beginning ✨️

 

[GezzaP]

@Snowie Hope you are ok. I slept deeply for 2 hours but now I’m wide awake again. Watching TV getting sleepy again so hope I can go back to bed soon. Getting worried about not sleeping as it can make me manic. Having bipolar disorder really sucks.

[NatureLover]

Hi @Snowie , well done for trying to keep your fluids up 👍

Has your pdoc responded yet? 

Sending hugs... 💙