Lived Experience Forum

[Keli]

Hi, thank you for your support. I feel quite depressed lately, to the point of not wanting to be here although at the same time I know that is not the answer. I have people in my life and cats who need me and who I love and want the best for. I am so tired all the time. I am also very anxious about the cost of living even though I know it is hard for everyone and we all just have to manage as best we can. I am on antidepressants and my GP did suggest raising the dose but I don’t know if that is the answer to managing my depression. I have support which helps thankfully. Sorry for the rambling post but I wanted to get it out there rather than just having it in my head if that makes sense. 

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Keli  , it's good to have you here 🙂
 
I'm sorry to hear your depression is so bad.
 
I'm wondering if you have a counsellor or psychologist?

And regarding the possible meds increase, could you try it and see? If it doesn't work after many weeks you could come back down off the increase?
 
A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.
 
I hope you find the forums supportive...

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Keli,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is nice to have you with us. 

I can relate to how you may be feeling as I have had bouts of depression and anxiety on and off over my adult life. It can be a debilitating feeling and (in my experience) I was concerned that I would feel depressed and anxious for the rest of my life. The good news is that depression and anxiety are very treatable and going of my own experience these feeling do subside. That's not to say that I don't get a bit down and anxious still but not to the degree where I was unmotivated and couldn't see any joy in life.

It's great to read that you have people in your life that love and care for you. I also think having pets is a great motivator/support to help when we are feeling down. 

It is good to read that you have informed your GP around how you are feeling and that together you have identified a way to treat your depression and anxiety. 

I can only speak for myself but I found journalling helped. I also found going for walks, watching videos that I know make me laugh/happy, playing video games, practising mindfulness and gratitude, listening to music etc all helped somewhat to lift my mood. It did take a while but the anxiety and depression did eventually lift.

I wish you all the best and I hope you start feeling better soon.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

PS. Just a couple of tips that may help you on the Forums:

Tip 1 - if you want to directly chat with someone on the Forums use the @ symbol and then start typing their name directly after it. A dropdown box should appear, and you then select their name. This ensures that they are notified of any posts you mention them in.

Tip 2 – the most recent posts are the latest page numbers.

[Keli]

Hi @NatureLover thank you for your welcome. I am glad to be here too. I do have a psychologist and see her monthly. She has been great and helped through the most difficult period of my life. I have some sessions with a counsellor also so will work through some things with her also. It obviously is a marathon not a sprint and I will keep on working through things. 

I am still considering the meds increase but holding off for now. I wasn’t sure they were working at all but when I ran out I realised very quickly that they most certainly are!

I look forward to interacting with everyone on the forums, thank you for your support. 😊

[Keli]

Hi @FloatingFeather thank you for your reply and welcome. Thank you also for your kind words. 

Yes I can relate definitely to what you said and yes the feelings of anxiety and depression always subside after a while. Thankfully I am not feeling as tired now (not sure what was going on but thinking it was due to my journey into menopause) which has helped me feel more positive. I agree the feelings of depression can be debilitating but mine are getting less difficult over time and as I learn more strategies to deal with them. Like you at one stage I thought I would feel depressed and anxious for the rest of my life but I know I won’t. 

My pets (cats) have been a great support to me and even when I feel most down I know I have to stay around for them as they deserve that! So do my kids. 

Sadly my GP has left the practice so I am now looking for another but hopefully will find another as good. 

Thank you for the hints on things to help lift depression, I have been using some of them. I have found music to be a godsend (especially through my AirPods loud to shut out the world) and audio books. And of course Netflix/youtube! 
Keli

[NatureLover]

@Keli  You sound so positive despite your depression...I'm glad to hear it has eased a bit. 

My GP of 35 years left last year too, and it threw me a bit, but I've now found a good new one. Hopefully it won't take you long to do the same.

I'm glad to hear you have a psychologist and a counsellor 🙂 Glad also that you received verification that your meds were working by running out! 😄

[Keli]

Hi @NatureLover thank you for your reply and sorry for my delay in responding. My depression hasn’t improved unfortunately and I have been struggling to get through my days.

I don’t have a psychologist or counsellor, I did but felt she wasn’t really right for me. I am considering going back to a GP to start the process for another one. 

I haven’t been back to a GP due to the cost of seeing one and also due to my GP leaving the practice, then finding another one I felt I could work with who then also left the practice! I think I was very very unlucky! But it has left its mark unfortunately. 

I stopped my medication as it was actually making me feel worse and then I went away for a week and forgot to take it with me so didn’t go back to it once I returned. 

[Keli]

I just realised how long it’s been since I’ve last posted in here. I thought I should give an update rather than the “I’m still depressed etc etc” that I wrote in my reply to a post from a year ago….

Things were actually not too bad for quite some time and if I started to slip I used the strategies learnt during my psych sessions to get back on an even keel again. I started thinking that maybe I was through the worst of it and I would be ok continuing to do what I was doing. 

Then towards the end of the year I had an intense period of stress from multiple fronts and it overwhelmed me and I began to spiral. My usual coping strategies didn’t quite cut it this time and I fell into the worst period of depression I ever had. All I could think about was ending my pain. 

At that stage I was at the end of my psychological treatment (had only one session left) and when I went to my psychologist and told her what was going on I felt rather invalidated and at the same time that I had somehow ‘failed’ as I was right back where I had been before. Although not quite back to the start of course.

So now I am not in a good place and thinking I should do something to get out of this funk I feel stuck in. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it. 

[Ben24]

Hey Keli

Just read your post. I feel exactly the same. I have family and friends that will be sad but waking up everyday like this is torture. Psychology medication nothings really worked. I cant miss work because i wont pay bills and my anxiety at works ridiculous. Ive thought it over and over and Suicide feels like the only option. Im constantly asking whats this life for ? 

9 to 5 five days a week only to pay off someone elses mortgage. There was another trigger thats sent me down this path and its a fight i can no longer fight.

[tyme]

Hey @Ben24 ,

Thank you for your post. I, sorry to hear how hard life is for you right now. It sounds like life just seems useless. Do you have people you can talk to about how you are feeling?

Many are in a similar space. I know I’ve been down that path before. I couldn’t see a way out. Yet here I am and things really have improved.

Do you feel safe?