Lived Experience Forum

[KFPDW]

I'm a male myself and I have NEVER EVER been sexist or disrespectful or racist to anyone ever. Not now, not EVER!!!! But I feel like what ever I come across in media, it feels like all I hear is "White Males Are Bad". When I watch shows like Charmed and I come across certain scenes where Males are regarded as bad people, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Characters saying white people will never understand the pain. And the thing is I feel enough to know what is happening is horrible and no one should go through it AT ALL. And to hear messages that I will never understand feels like being closed off and told to Go Away!! And nothing can be done to make the situation better or to just even be there for someone. You got shows like the Neighbourhood sitcom that I came across where they cover racism where a black guy gets put in a jail cell for being black which is so NOT fair whatsoever. And the main lead says the police system is working the right way for white guys but not black people or any other culture. And white people will never understand whatsoever the pain other people go through.

I feel like I'm ashamed of all these bad things happening even though I have done NOTHING to do with anything of that bad stuff. But because of the long history I hear of white males doing bad stuff, I feel like I have to be responsible for that or feel as though it's my fault. It may sound silly but I feel like all I hear is White Males are bad and cause problems.

I feel like if I see someone in pain or needs help, I want to be able to help or show support no matter what their colour or background is. We are all still human beings after all and all this dumb bad stuff like racism and sexism shouldn't be around any more. Nor should it have existed in the first place. I hate the fact that bad stuff like this still happens and I feel helpless to see it pop up in media or fiction. I felt ashamed to be a white male so many times and my friend says I shouldn't, all that stuff isn't my fault and I shouldn't take on the responsibility of other people's actions that I don't even know. Focus on my own actions and what I can change. But because all that stuff happens, I feel like I get stuffed into a category where I'm a white male and are automatically the enemy. And no matter how hard I try to help and try to show that not all white males are bad, I feel like I can't make a positive difference. Like I'm powerless to make a positive change so people can see not all white males are bad people, or even white people in general. I want to be able to try and understand what others are going through as well as try to stop bad things from happening. At the end of the day, I accept people no matter what their background and gender are.

[chibam]

Hi @KFPDW .

There's nothing shameful about being white, hetero, male, or any combination thereof. Your only responsible for your own personal actions/behaviors, and you bear no guilt for the actions/misdeeds of others, regardless of whether you share some superficial traits with them such as race or gender.

The media has gone crazy in the last few years, trying to stir up hatred (especially self-hatred) against certain demographics. This is more reflective of the media commentators racism and bigotry then bigotry or racism being epidemic within any particular demographic group. It's gotten so nuts now that they even blame white people (as a general group) for incidents in which there were no white people involved.

The best moment that ever occurred in the issue of racial equality is probably the moment that these words were spoken:

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Sadly, the powers-that-be seem to want to regress us back to an embittered society, where we all once again judge one another based on the color of our skin.

Don't let them win.

Gauge your worth based on the content of your character.

[Appleblossom]

@KFPDW It seems to be a newish version of the divide and conquer strategy.

I agree with @chibam 

Shaming is not going to help.

[KFPDW]

Hi Thanks so much for replying to my post. And what you said really helps and means a lot. And yeah, that's how I perceive people, by the content of their character. Always. If I'm not okay with someone or a character I see on a show or movie, it's because of the kind of personality they have. Which is negative traits like if they snap at people, being mean, jump down other people's throats, being bullies and etc. If someone is kind or open or easy to talk to then I have no problem with them whatsoever. I see so much negativity and people and characters so hard to get along with and snarky and I understand that the reason why someone would act like that is because they themselves are struggling with their own situation. And when you get to know someone, their likes, dislikes, their passions and drive and everything else about them, I feel like you see that person or character for themselves. An individual that has their own thoughts and feelings which makes the their own unique person. Each person is unique.

It does feel like the media is stirring things up like you said. When you explained it like how you said, it does make sense. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff in person, so all these thoughts and feelings get bottled up and I feel like I'm on my own with how I feel. But reading your post does make me feel better. I'm so sick of the media constantly trying to push things onto people all the time. I wish we can do exactly what your quote says "Judge by the content of their character" And I feel like even if you do, it feels like others will judge you and think you're doing it for different reasons to be sexist or racist which is definitely NOT the case whatsoever!

Thanks Again for replying to my post, I really appreciate it. And for understanding where I am coming from. 🙂

[KFPDW]

Hey, Thanks for replying.

Yeah my thoughts exactly!! Shaming isn't going to solve anything.

And how do you mean Divide and Conquer? 

[EternalFlower]

Hey, I don't agreth your post or feel there's anything wrong with talking about power and privelge. Loved the movie Glass Onion recently about this.
It is I guess up to each person how they interpret the recent shift of talking about white privilege makes them feel but I don't feel it's an attack on every white person but more asking people to consider people around them who don't have as many advantages as they do.

Even in the MH system I notice a disparity of who gets listened to and believed depending on age, gender, race etc. I hope things are slowly changing.

[KFPDW]

I'm not against talking about making things right and equal. If anything, if there's any way to make things right or have equality. I'm onboard without a second thought. Without question.

[Eden1919]

@KFPDW  I feel like the best way to become an ally to minorities and underprivileged groups is by first recognizing your own level of privilege and becoming aware of how you play a part in the over all system of oppression even if that is in a passive manner. Being privileged doesn’t make you evil or bad but it does mean you have the power to actively change things for the better. 

[EternalFlower]

@Eden1919 I totally agree.

Awareness of pirvelege helps as well because sometimes we compare ourselves to others and wish we could achieve as much as them, but we don't know how privelege has benefited them or helped them to where they are.

[greenpea]

@KFPDW   my heart goes out to you and all white males as a mother of two young men.  you are a good person believe in that.  words from a mum of 3 white children xx