Something’s not right
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20-09-2021 04:22 PM - edited 20-09-2021 11:33 PM
20-09-2021 04:22 PM - edited 20-09-2021 11:33 PM
A safe place to express myself
I thought, coming here
I could find people
I could connect with
People I could relate to
People like me
But there's no one here like that
There's no one here like me
There was one person
But he left
I thought we could be friends
But things got weird
I still don't understand
What happened
I blame myself
Then things got even weirder
With that person
Who turned out to be a guy
He had his own agenda
There was nowhere else
For me to go
After that
So now I'm all alone
And I have no one
There's nowhere I can go
To express myself
To be myself
To feel safe
It's not okay
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20-09-2021 04:24 PM - edited 21-09-2021 03:56 AM
20-09-2021 04:24 PM - edited 21-09-2021 03:56 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
I went to the shops and got some Green & Black's Butterscotch chocolate. The texture is like Bertie Beetles from my childhood. This reminds me of Christmas beetles from my childhood. I still have an image in my head, clear as day, of the metallic blue Christmas beetle at the bottom of the tree at the back of the school. I was in Grade 1. I was all by myself, just me and the Christmas beetle on a hot summer day in 1977. I also remember the ponies on the other side of the fence and how brown the grass was. And I remember my friends, Sharon and Scooby, down the road. And Emma and Terri, my next door neighbours. And Aaron Batman over the road. He was an asshole. I wouldn't like to meet him now. He's probably a serial killer or in jail. I do miss Robert Shepherd Pie though, my friend from Queensland. He had the most beautiful blonde hair. I often wonder what he's doing. I hope he's alive and he's happy. I wonder if he ever thinks of me? I miss you Robert Shepherd Pie and our easy, happy life. I wonder if they still make Bertie Beetles?
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20-09-2021 05:53 PM - edited 21-09-2021 12:13 AM
20-09-2021 05:53 PM - edited 21-09-2021 12:13 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
I hope I meet
My special someone
Soon
And he better be
F***ing intelligent
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20-09-2021 11:31 PM
20-09-2021 11:31 PM
Re: A safe place to express myself
Hello @Arizona I'm sorry you're feeling so alone and unsupported. I'm sure many forumites have supported you over the last weeks and months especially when you reached your milestone birthday. It's hard to know what to say sometimes - I'm not as articulate or emotionally intelligent as you - but your courage and resilience coping day by day and in dealing with your housing agency have been remarkable. You've rewritten this post several times so I guess you're still feeling fairly raw. I don't have anything to offer other than sympathy and the hope you feel better soon.
Dimity
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21-09-2021 12:56 AM - edited 21-09-2021 01:30 AM
21-09-2021 12:56 AM - edited 21-09-2021 01:30 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
Please stop
Telling me
How to think and feel
I don't even
Know you
And it's patronising
(This isn't about you of course Dimity. It's just a poem.)
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21-09-2021 01:26 AM - edited 23-09-2021 03:22 AM
21-09-2021 01:26 AM - edited 23-09-2021 03:22 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
It's not my problem
That you're a dumbass with no social skills
It's not my problem
That you don't listen
It's not my problem
That you're not as intelligent as me
I'm not your f***ing mother
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21-09-2021 05:09 AM - edited 23-09-2021 03:05 AM
21-09-2021 05:09 AM - edited 23-09-2021 03:05 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
Everyone's a narcissist
I don't know why
It must be the internet
I blame the internet
For many things
Like dating
And expressions I hate
Americanisms
That didn't exist here
Before the 90's
The world is so f***ed now
Don't get me started
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21-09-2021 10:11 AM
21-09-2021 10:11 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
There are so many issues in virtual forums.
I noticed you kept changing your opening post.
I doubt there are perfect soul mates, but I still keep being me and that usually involves trying to reach out.
I have never been fully accepted and rarely been allowed to express myself safely. I am not sure it is a truthful thing to promise on a forum such as this. I guess that is the area where I dig deep for my resilience. As an educated woman, I have found it can be a lonely experience. I cant deny my effort and studies and value it, but has been a lonely road.
Poetry can be great. I also have valued the irl poetry scene.
Do you like Patti Smith?
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21-09-2021 10:47 AM
21-09-2021 10:47 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
Don't worry, Arizona, you will!
Intelligence attracts intelligence!
x
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21-09-2021 10:51 AM
21-09-2021 10:51 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
Hello, Arizona,
You are never alone,
don't worry about him
there will always be others along your way
Seek help where help is best sought,
Accept help at your point of need,
There will always be others.
You might feel alone,
But we are all in this together
No matter your diagnosis
And whether or not you agree,
The most important thing is that you are on a path of healing
Be patient
Be kind
to yourself
I am here,
Take all the time you need
You will find a way