Lived Experience Forum

[Meowmy]

@saturnzoon hope you get better somehow.

[TAB]

having 'spots' for things can help @saturnzoon  ie you put x in y place yeah sad re memory from along time ago, I mostly remember crappy stuff ok dont try to it just comes sometimes

[Zoe7]

@saturnzoon I had a lot of memory loss from my childhood - mostly trauma related. It is often a way to deal with the really hard things so we don't have to relive them over and over again. Stress can certainly cause memory loss. Some days I forget what I did only an hour ago but generally the better I have gotten the more I can remember.

It must be both frustrating and sad to have forgotten so much - especially your kids growing up - those are precious memories Hon 

It is certainly worth talking about with your psych or pdoc (not sure who you see) Sometimes these things can be worked through in therapy and wilst you may not recover a lot of your memories you may be able to associate some things with some of those memories.

[Razzle]

@Faith-and-Hope   I can’t believe this has happened.  I can’t believe I’ve had to cut ties with my family like this.  

My husband and I had a couples counciling session Thursday and he sat there in front of our councillor and said how well we were getting on and we’re communicating and that we discuss everything, no secrets blah blah blah, when in fact he wasn’t telling me stuff about my sons situation, and had been sitting on some information for a week.  

My son had texted me about the impending breakup with his partner (about an hour before our session) to which I sent a reply asking him to protect himself so that he could still see his child.  The whole thing blew up in my face.  If I’d had known this other information I never would have sent the text.  I was completely thrown under the bus by both my husband and son.  Now my relationship with my son and his partner is so badly damaged that she has cut me off from all of them.  I’m so hurt that my husband sat back at watched all this happen and said nothing until it was far too late, especially when he had the chance to stop it all happening in the first place.  

I feel so betrayed by all of them I can barely see straight.  It’s just a huge mess and I’ve been dumped right in the middle of it.

[Faith-and-Hope]

@saturnzoon I have trouble accessing my memory when I am tired or stressed.  I used to panic a bit if I couldn’t remember something, and I have “blanked out” in an exam situation before, and on stage during a dance production when I was a child ..... then I learned that panicking shuts down your recall of visual memory images, if you are a visual person (store your memories as images) ..... so if I can’t recall something I take deep breaths, and tell myself that once I relax I will remember more ..... or if it’s something important, it will come back to me.

I know that is much less than the memory losses you are talking about, but wanted to tell you so you can see that other people do battle with memory issues too, and maybe it will help you to overcome the panic in the moment.  

Getting angry might work a similar way, in terms of blocking memory access, so when that happens, stop and take big breaths and try to calm yourself down to see if that helps with working out where the missing item is.

Like @TAB @suggested, I try to keep things in their own place and put them down (keys, handbag, sunglasses) in only that place, to help avoid the distress of not being able to find them.

[TAB]

👍 @Faith-and-Hope @saturnzoon well on further thought I blanked on paragraph line in primary school play. All fear. Became reality

[Razzle]

@saturnzoon   I’m so sorry you have been treated this way by your son and his partner.  A new baby should be a joyous occasion - not an opportunity for immature adults to use a baby as a weapon to get their own way.  

I’m not sure what the truth is now.  My sons partner told us her mother was abusive, the things she said that was going on in their house was terrible.  We offered so much help and support, so much so that they decided to move out and live with us but when they went back to get their things her mother threatened her so they ended up staying.  Now she’s telling us she never said those things and that I made it all up.   My son and my husband were there when she first told us what was going on.  Her story chops and changes to suit her mood, and to suit what she wants at the time.  It’s all drama drama drama with her and it’s just exhausting. She has caused me nothing but stress and sadness since this baby was born.

I hope your situation changes before the baby is born and you are able to have a relationship with the new bub.

[Faith-and-Hope]

It’s so sad @Razzle .....

One saving grace for you is that this girl said what she said with your husband and son present, so if nothing else, their consciences are witness to the fact that you didn’t make it all up.  

I am so sorry that both you and @saturnzoon are going through these hardships.  I hope there is a way for it all to come to some sort of reasonable outcome, enough perhaps for everyone to “play nicely” around the grandchildren, even if the adult relationships can’t be properly mended.  Sometimes, although not ideal, that is the best that can be done.

Meantime, it’s time for both of you to slather on as much self-care as you can ..... concentrate on yourselves and what it is going to take to get yourselves through this horrible time.

Much love and virtual hugs ❣️

[Former-Member]

@saturnzoon  - sounds frustrating, and sad... that you can't access key memories. I have a lot of big gaps in life memories but not everything like U describe. 

I'm forever losing things, not putting things back (even carry my house keys around my neck 24/7 thesedays, as I'm always losing them and locking myself out of the house... And I have to journal daily too, like you descibe, for reference later... Have you found yourself lost yet? I got real worried when I turned a corner at the shopping complex and suddenly had no idea where I was 🤪 I sat down and waited for it to come back. I thought briefly I was at a shopping centre where I last had both Kidz with me, in Brizzy. It seemed to go on some time so I thought I should walk round 'till I see something familiar... It wasn't until I walked outside that the mental dominoes fell into place and reconnect again. PHEW! This often happens to me but never this long. I mentioned it to two doctors, they both pass it off as either Stress, Depression or PTSD... Yep, the latter is likely. Trauma really messes with memory... the brain trying to protect us by forgetting, but taking huge chunks with it. 

Another explanation has been the contravertial DID, or Multiple Personality Disorder. We not only jump in and out of moods and persona to cope, but sometimes hide away all opposing memories (in my words).

Trauma robs us of  a sense of self. 

Have you had past trauma? 

Have you had a recent major trigger? 

Sometimes it's better to reduce the stress by NOT trying to find the answers, but rather, just go with the flow believing "everything I need to know will be revealed to me at the right time"  - deep breaths. 

Hope I haven't confused you ❣️

[saturnzoon]

It is now 12am and my 2 sons that live with me are fighting non stop, starts off as play fighting but then my older son gets to rough I havd been shouting at them on and off for 30 minutes and there just ignoring me,  I have also tried talking to them and  not shout but they can't hear me and there 2 big for me to get in between them, so now my youngest is wound up and with his Autism  wil, take a long time for him to go to sleep and mighten   wake up for school tomorrow morning. All I want to do is throw something at them to make them stop, I have to take my tablets to try and help me not loose it completely,  when they get like this I don't know how to stop them, my son 2  is 25 and son 3 is 12yrs, and I feel a failure cause I can't get them to stop. I've got a headache now anger inside me and scared off taking to much tablets to block them out and keep my head calm down, and now I'm, have trouble going to sleep when I'm worked up over this, I might double my night times tablets to send me to sleep.

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope @BlueBay @Razzle @TAB @Zoe7 not able to read your posts back yet as to worked up but will tomorrow morning when I have slept.