Lived Experience Forum

[Judus]

I have been having some really high moods. Then other days they are so low that all I want to is pass on. I have ended up losing my wife of 18 years due toy moods. I ended moving away and met a really lovely women I fell in love. With her so bad I just wanted to be with her all the time. When I wasn't with her all I could do was think about her sand it was hard to focus on other things. After 2.5 years she said I needed to get help as our relationship was suffering. I tried to get help but as I could  see that I was upsetting her as she was unable to help me. This was just makeing me worse so she asked me to leave and get help and when I was better I could come back home. This sent me into a rapid downward spiral and I tried to end my life as I couldn't cope being away and had nowhere to go. I was put in hospital and was later released I'm 7 days only to try again and went back in the next day. Since the I tried 6 more times and all faied. (Luckily) I have had to have a friend stay with me so that if I have a bad day she can help me before something happens my partner is still not letting me come home. My mother has bipolar and thinks I may have it  as well. I been on antidepressents for many years and they don't work. I took a online test for bipolar and I came out with all the aymtoms. This is making my life hell I can't keep a job I'm losing my friends and loved ones. I hurting all the time when I have a high (happy) time I can't sit still and have trouble focusing on 1 job at a time. I have been told that my behaviour is odd at time. Now I'm not sure what I should so I've almost lost everything and everyone. I tried to end my life 6btime over 3 weeks and most people just though I was just acting funny and I can hide my feelings well when needed. I've been having rouble sleeping like being awake for 3 days at a time still I burn out and fall asleep only to wake a couple hours later starting the cycle again. I have trouble eating sometime I will eat alot then sometime I won't eat all day and maybe the next as well. I've have tried to get help but they are never there in time. Can someone please help me this is destroying my life and I don't know what to do. 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Judus ,

 Have you mentioned this to your GP?

Im not a doctor and not here to diagnose, but many of your symptoms leave me questioning borderline personality disorder BPD - brought on by the effects of losing your wife. BPD is different to bipolar. BPD is affected by situations, whereas bipolar less so.

Anyway, besides focusing on a label, perhaps going to your GP for a MH care plan would start the ball rolling with getting professional supports? (If you haven't got one already).

 Whatever it is, it great you've recognised there's an issue. It's the start of getting the help you need.

Take care, and continue to reach out as you feel the need.

BPDSurvivor

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Judus . I'm sorry you're going through so much that's tough. 

I agree with @BPDSurvivor ...can you go to your GP and ask for a Mental Health Care Plan? This will entitle you to 10 (up to 20 during Covid) subsidised sessions with a psychologist per year. The sooner you can do it the better, as it may take months to actually get in to see a psychologist, as the system is so overloaded at the moment. 

You can even google local psychologists in your area, and ring their office asking if they are taking on new clients at the moment...that way you might be able to give a name to your GP for the Mental Health Care Plan. This will save time. Then after you get the MHCPlan, you can ring back that psychologist and book an appointment. 

Good luck with getting some help.

[cloudcore]

Hi @Judus ,

It sounds like life has been really overwhelming for you, especially with the loss of your relationships. I understand how heavily relationship breakdowns can impact our wellbeing, losing our source of support is an incredibly painful experience. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been left struggling with your mental health and feeling abandoned. You're not alone here.

I can see how hard it's been to hang onto hope and keep yourself safe. Are you feeling safe at the moment?

from cloudcore

[wellwellwellnez]

What a lot of relationship psychologists like and something that I've found really helpfull is a thing called "attachment theory".

In a nut-shell, there's "secure attachment" which is what we all want (more or less) and then there's "nervous attachment" and "avoidance" (which is where things get weird). The zen part of it all is that avoidant people are also nervously attached and vice versa. Hence various "cat and mouse" scenarios.

My favourite resource is a lovely youtube fella called Ryan Liberty. Not a psych. But a very self-literate nervous attachment type.

[periwinklepixie]

Hi there @Judus 

It sounds like things have been really tough for a while. I know I roll my eyes when people say it to me, but you have shown tremendous strength in surviving all of these challenges and then once again to come to the Forums and share some of your story with all of us.

There have been some great ideas so far about maybe seeking out a mental health care plan. I also wonder if you have any strategies you find helpful when things feel a bit much? Personally, I find writing poetry really helpful. 

Would love to hear from you to see if things have shifted for you at all. 

All the best
-periwinklepixie

[Dimity]

Hello @Judus and welcome to the forums.  I can hear the pain of losing your relationships and the turmoil of your mood swings. 

Touching base with your gp is important.  Those of us living with diagnosed bipolar disorder commonly work with both a psychiatrist re diagnosis and medication, and a psychologist for ongoing therapy - some have additional support r workers. Bipolar disorder medications may include mood stabilisers, antipsychotics or antidepressants,  depending on need. Diet  exercise and social connection are also important. Having another family member with bipolar disorder is not uncommon.   @Former-Member @HenryX @Mazarita @Shaz51  @Former-Member and other forumites are part of a supportive community here. Being diagnosed with bipolar is the start of a journey..

Good luck and best wishes @Judus 

Dimity

[Shaz51]

Hello and hugs @Judus 

Bipolar disorder medications may include mood stabilisers, antipsychotics or antidepressants like @Dimity said 

my husband has had lots of diagnosis and the latest one is Bipolar 2 , he was on anti depressants but were not helping until the specialist put him on anti anxiety meds as well which helped 

@periwinklepixie, @wellwellwellnez , @cloudcore 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Judus  welcome to the forums. If you would like to tag anyone just type the @ symbol and a drop down box will appear with the latest members to this thread. If you keep typing someone's name it will bring there's up also. Like @Dimity  did to me.

Great advice given by the forumites to get a mental health plan from your GP. Also you can contact your local mental health clinic or ask your GP do refere you. They will do an assessment on you and get you the right medication and or therapy you need to become a healthier and happier you. I will tag you in the Bipolar thread also check out the other threads too! Take care Judus💙

Hi to @Dimity @Shaz51 @periwinklepixie @wellwellwellnez  hope you have had a wonderful day ❤️💙

[Judus]

I have ended up losing everything and living at a forest in my camp setup a friend has come with me to help stay safe. I'm finding it hard as if feeling no-one around me understands what is going on. I've been trying hard to pick myself up and put my life back together but just seem to fall apart again. That put back down again Ive everyone that was close to me and was lucky at the last moment someone that I had not long me understand s and is helping me. I've got no idea where to start or how to go about it I do have a care plan but due to current situation have not been able to start it. I feel really down and out as this has distroyed my life. I hate being this way it hurts and as people around me dont understand and I can't explain it makes things ever harder. And wish as easy as some have said I'm now homelesd, broke and struggling just get through each day Ty everyone for the reply has given me some thing to think over very much appreciated