Lived Experience Forum

[crimson_celt]

I am completely and utterly numb I barely feel alive and i have a barage of voices abusing me contantly reminding me of the man who abused me. I just want to feel myself so I can process the immense grief that is being suppressed under all this chaos. I can barely think, my sight has gone and ive lost my singing voice. I used to love music, dance and art and now i derive no joy from any of it.

I cant feel myself because all i feel and hear are the presence of other negative beings.

I am writing to ask if anyone has any resources that could guide me into feeling when in the midst of mental torture. I try yoga, i try many things but nothing works.

Im seeking someone who might have been through something similar to help guide me.

any youtube videos or websites would help. something different. 

i want to rise above the voices i hear and not let them continue to rob me of my feeling and make me feel like i must resign to an enternity with my own abuser.

any help would be greatly appreciated.

the voices i hear are rapists and they have robbed me of my creativity, emotion and intuition not to mention my common sense and sense of belonging in this world.

i eagerly await any response.

thankyou

[Historylover]

@crimson_celt   I have no words, my friend, but I couldn't just walk away after reading your post.

So many of us here are walking similar paths.  I can only send my best wishes and thoughts.

[Appleblossom]

@crimson_celt 

Sorry to hear about your struggle with voices.    Feeling you have lost your music is sad, and I hope you get it back.  I am a little low at moment so short on words, but I wanted to acknowledge your post.

Not sure if working with Schemas is helpful.  No one link will be the answer, but I do hope the forum meets some needs for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxJ73Ex_bI0 

[crimson_celt]

Thankyou very much,

if you have any advice from your path it would be greatly appreciated,

any advice on how to feel again after being isolated from myself for so long...

[crimson_celt]

thankyou for responding to me even though your struggling,

ive lost so many things,

we probably all have,

thats why we were drawn to this forum,

to find like minds

and help each other,

thanks for your support

ill check the link

appreciate it

[crimson_celt]

that was a very interesting video,

my voices act as a punitive parent constantly abusing me and then turn me on myslef and i become like an abuser to myself

thank you for the video

i like the psyche website also its got a wealth of interesting information

[CalmingNature]

Hi @crimson_celt,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time at the moment and that you're no longer enjoying things that previously brought you joy. I'm glad you've reached out on the forums and I'm sure some more of our community members will pop by soon to give you some more guidance.

I'm wondering if you have any professional supports right now like a psychologist or counsellor?

I would also recommend you to reach out to 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or even Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) - these services are great at supporting people going through tough times.

Take care  CalmingNature

[Lost9]

I'm so sorry you are having a tough time. I went through a similar experience. For a while I was unable to communicate because the voices were so loud and abusive. I went through a busy time of throwing myself into art, music, whatever it took to get my mind off the voices. I was exhausted and eventually gave up. Just spending days lying down on my bed exhausted. Over the years I lost art, crafts, music, reading, tv, sport, friends. I tried so many different medications I just about exhausted all possibilities. The voices took away my confidence. I wrote about it in a writting competition and won 3rd place. Ha! One for me over the voices. Eventually, they became quieter and less abusive. I still hear them every day and sometimes they can be mean and sometimes helpfu. I used to call them barstards incorporated. I am just starting to find myself again and enjoy arts, craft and music. This was a process over 20 years. I have no real words of advice except hang in there. If the voices want you to die, then live. If they want you to suffer then enjoy things. Don't let them win! Reach out to others and they will support you. Reaching out on this site was a great step. Every hell is private and individual so you will near to find out what works for you. Keep trying and BTW if you come across a drug which causes you to put on 24kg like me, try another. I was unfortunately working at the time and couldn't afford to change medication but I wouldn't wish it on you. I hope you find the right path for you.

lost9

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @crimson_celt ...

I hear how disconnected you feel from yourself, and from things that used to help. 😞

i was wondering what professional supports you have, like a trusted GP / meds  / counsellor /psychologist?

I know talking about my childhood trauma with a psychologist has brought me a lot of healing - not full healing of course, as the damage is too deep, but enough to let me get on with my life as much as possible. 

A psychologist / counsellor can also help with the grief you're feeling. 

I know that meditation is not always advised when the person has suffered trauma and abuse. 

I wish you good wishes for getting the help you're looking for. 

[frog]

Oh @crimson_celt I'm sad for you.

I don't have a lot to offer atm. Quite down.

But just wanted to acknowledge what you posted, and say welcome. I hope you find connection and understanding here. It's been good that way for me.