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Partertrying
Casual Contributor

Help - Partner with Depression

Good Evening

My partner suffers with Anxiety and Depression. I need help for myself. I am struggling myself trying to keep myself together, especially in lockdown because of COVID (Melbourne). maybe I am just seeking reassurance that what I am feeling is common and ok. His illness first surfaced in 2016... he was put on meds and seen a councillor and things got better, mid last year he had another breakdown, had time off and went back to work but has since had another breakdown in March. I was working in a really toxic environment and was having a hard time myself at the same time, I have since quit my job and trying to put myself back together. I am very supportive and have convinced him to talk to somebody to work out ways to deal with this and seek coping strategies. He says that he hates feeling this way but doesn't seem to want to fix the situation. All he does is either sit on the couch, sleep or drink alcohol. I find myself getting angry at him and resent him, I don't understand, if he hates feeling like this, why doesn't he do his best to fix the situation. I feel like I have to do everything, yesterday he couldn't even order Uber eats...sometimes I just want to shake him to somehow shake the depression away. I get angry because he shuts me out, I know it is all part of it, I get angry because he talks to everyone else about it but not me. His mum and dad provide no support so I am the support system. I just feel really angry about the whole thing, I hate the depression and I hate the fact that it infects the air with bad Energy, I feel at times it is infectious and I am constantly battling to not let the toxins affect me. I love him and want to see him well but sometimes I don't know if I can keep doing this.....I am trying to protect my 10 year old son from this but it is exhausting. I feel guilty for feeling like this. 
Does anyone else feel like this.

 

 

9 REPLIES 9

Re: Help - Partner with Depression

Hello @Partertrying 

Welcome and trust me you are not alone. You are feeling all of the emotions that go hand in hand in trying to take care of a loved one battling depression. There is so much support here, lots of partners in the same position to share experiences with and offer support. I'm sorry it's made even more difficult with covid. I found calling Sane helps me on my dark days. Keep reaching out, we are here for you 🌷

Re: Help - Partner with Depression

Speaking as a long-term depressive, I am totally touched and awed by your love, patience and empathy for your partner.   Depression is a truly dreadful illness. But it is not an illness like an episode of flu that runs its course and then person recovers and life gets back to where it was. It's nothing like that.  So being loving and caring, as you are, without apparent appreciation from your partner, is going to put you under huge stress and endanger your own health.  You must learn to care for yourself first and foremost. And I think you must practice tough love.  It is so easy to become an enabler of selfish behaviour. Being depressed is not an excuse for avoiding all the activities of daily living. Maybe he can't talk about his feelings right now, but depression doesn't stop a person from taking out the garbage. Not as I understand it anyway. So please review your situation and seek the help and support you both need to navigate through it.

Re: Help - Partner with Depression

I feel exactly the same way. My story mirrors yours and my god, the resentment is real. Sorry that you're going through this. I know the feeling and it is tiring.

Re: Help - Partner with Depression

Hey there @jo-oy I was wondering how you've been travelling since your last post? How's the feeling of resentment, has there been any reprieve? We're here to listen Heart

Re: Help - Partner with Depression

Thank you. The feelings are there and I don't think they'll go away anytime soon. It is what it is I guess.

Re: Help - Partner with Depression

Hi @Partertrying 

How are you? How is it going? 

How are you looking after yourself and your son? You must be exhausted trying to do all this. 

Are you able to get a mental health plan for yourself? It provides affordable tele-health support if your GP refers you to a psychologist. Doing this probably saved my sanity. I learned that I'm probably enabling my partner- he has no reason to try to recover if I'm always here regardless of what he does.

Let us know how it's going. Look after yourself first of all. 

Re: Help - Partner with Depression

Thank you for your support and kind words 💐

Re: Help - Partner with Depression

Thank you for your confirmation and kind words. It is good to hear from the other perspective. I really appreciate your input 😘

Re: Help - Partner with Depression

OMG..... thank you..... so good to hear that I am not the only one......I hate this feeling

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