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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Ohh my sister  @Emelia8 , sending you tender hugs HeartHeart

Sitting with you 

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8 - I know I haven't been here much, but I am following along with your story. And I really feel for you. As others have suggested, it might be an idea to ring the Breast Care Nurses tomorrow to see if they have any suggestions. And you might need some stronger pain relief.

I don't have much else to add as others have said a lot already. But you're in my mind often, so please take care. 💕💕💕💕💕
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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

In my thoughts my friend @Emelia8 ❤️❤️

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8 

Sending tender hugs and love your way.

You are in my thoughts hun

💜💛

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8 💞💞💞

@Snowie ❣️❣️❣️

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Thank you to each of 

@Bow @Eve7 @Dec @EOR @greenpea @NatureLover @Myboy @outlander @Pippi29 @WIP @BlueBay @Snowie @eth @Peri @Hamsolo01 @Meowmy @Clawde @Appleblossom @Sans911 @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Schitzo @Exoplanet @Faith-and-Hope @Lee82 @Dizzyizzy   as you have all posted or supported either here or on other threads.  I really appreciate all your support. Much more so than I can ever tell you.  My promised update, has been delayed by a couple of days, but I can do it now as I find some quiet time (with hubby asleep in bed) to type up my post.

 

I didnt want to post earlier because, in all honesty I felt so damned awful and down, that I decided not to post here until I was feeling a little better.  I wanted to be feeling a bit more positive and less down, before inflicting my misery on you all.  So yes NatureLover, I was on other threads. 💓

 

Thankfully, some 12 days post surgery, I am finally starting to feel that I'm improving. Until now, its been something different every day, now it all feels a little more stable.  I can be an impatient so and so sometimes, I have to say. 

 

Overall pain levels from surgical wounds have improved noticeably over the last few days.  Swelling in the lumpectomy incision has reduced a lot. Although the sentinel node incision under the arm is still very swollen and continues to bother me. I am unable to put my arm comfortably by my side due to the swelling, and I have been getting around with my arm stuck out the side kinda oddly. Been getting quite severe nerve pain down my left arm from elbow to fingertips too.  Some of the numbness has worn off from the chest area, but the left shoulder, back of the arm and right down to the elbow is still really numb. And as the numbness reduces its become really touch sore from the back of shoulder down to the elbow.  Sleeping on my back is most comfortable for my wounds, so that's how I've been trying to sleep. But in doing so, the back of my left arm touches the bed, and it's downright painful. I think it's all from damaged nerves from incisions under the arm.  And from what I'm told ... where the lumpectomy was done ... there is also a lot of nerves in that area. So I'm experiencing a lot of nerve related side effects right now. I was always told that the lymph node operation was going to be worse (more painful and longer lasting) than the lumpectomy itself.  This has proven to be the case.

 

I visited my GP practice on Friday afternoon.  The nurse removed my surgical dressings and checked the wounds.  Although they are healing well ...  I have to say ... it all looks pretty gruesome. I'm sure they hacked out bigger chunks than planned.  Lots of puckering and a bit of a hollow trough. No doubt it will improve over time. Really I don't even know why I should be worried about how it looks?  This is a part of me that nobody (other than me) ever really sees. It's silly really, that I feel upset by what I see in the mirror.

 

I thought I would feel a bit better after getting the heavy waterproof dressings off, but unfortunately that's not really been the case. My skin has had a reaction to the adhesive in the dressings.  Apparently this is not uncommon. I can still see the outline of the dressings (2 days later) and its very red with a rash everywhere they were in contact with the skin.  Its prickly, itchy and very sensitive to touch.  I have googled what to do with such a reaction.  As a result I have been using a cold pack to help alleviate the incessant prickles and stabbing pains.  This helps temporarily, but it keeps coming back.  I guess it will settle over coming days.  I also was looking forward to a decent shower and not having to worry about losing dressings.  But unfortunately the water touching the rash just makes it sting really bad and makes it really hurt, so in the end it wasn't much fun at all.

 

When the nurse removed the dressings she checked it all and replaced them with just a light cloth tape dressing which only basically covers the stitch line. She suggested I try to leave them on for at least a few days. They seem pretty secure and lasted a couple of quick showers already, so they may last until I see the surgeon on Wednesday afternoon. I asked the nurse if I could use some of the medications or patches I already have for my back injury related nerve pain (permanent nerve damage).  She said I could try them, as they may help.  The patches are out though for now, as I cannot place them where I would be most effective, due to wounds.  from all that I've read, nerve pain from breast cancer surgery can last for months and unfortunately sometimes for years or a lifetime. So I have to be prepared for the possibility that it may never really go away entirely.

 

It's been a difficult time here too with hubby's reaction to the report into Afghanistan war crimes released last week.  He is angry, frustrated, looking to make someone pay.  He has not taken it well at all.  And unfortunately I believe it's for many of the wrong reasons.  He does not think they did anything wrong over there ... he says that's what happens in war. And now he feels that everyone is wrongly laying blame on all returned servicemen, and showing complete disrespect for them. It's hard to find middle ground on such things, and perhaps there is none. But I cannot condone what has apparently occurred over there against likely innocent civilians.  Yet, how could I know what it's like to be there, in the theatre of war? I've never been there. My husband has. Soldiers (especially our elite forces) are sent off to war trained and encouraged to serve and follow orders. It's a difficult topic, and not one I'm able to go into closely here. Anyway, I've been avoiding the subject with hubby (and any backlash) as much as possible.  He is starting to settle down a little now thankfully. 

 

Arrangements are now in place for my father-in-laws funeral service in WA this coming Friday afternoon.  It is going to be live streamed, so we should be able to watch it live.  Hope the system works as it's meant to.

 

Wednesday is going to be a big day for me ... I have an appointment with my psych in the morning and my surgeon in the afternoon.  The surgeon will give me pathology results, as well as check his handiwork I suppose.  I will be happy I think, if they have clear margins on the tumour. Because that will mean I won't have to go for additional surgery.  That will be a plus.  I think he will likely refer me then, to any other professionals he sees fit, given the pathology.  So I should know a fair bit more by Wednesday evening I suppose.

 

I think thats enough for now, as its already a long post.  Hope I havent bored you all too badly. 😊 And thank you for reading. 🌸  I guess I will probably post my next update on Wednesday or Thursday, all going well.  Thank you to all you wonderful people.  I could not do this without your support. 💕  Good night all.

 

Emelia 🌸💤

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8 🌸💞🌸💞

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8  Hey Em thank you for keeping us all in the loop. Continue to take good care of yourself. Love you peaxxx

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8 take care, sweetie

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8
Boy that's a lot to take it and I admire your honesty and resilience
Take care of yourself and baby steps. You're going through a lot
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