Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Please no one send me emails they may be read by some else. 

Feeling so stuck. I won't end my life, because I could not do that to my son. The feelings are intense, and it hurts so bad. I am sure he absolutely hates me. There is no compassion or kindness in his words to me. And a lot of times there is no words. Just ignoring me. Like I am not even here. I want to like him but I don't. I don't know what to do. I am stuck here. Wish someone would just hold me and take the hurt away. Here my cry oh God. I hurt... I hurt so much. Why won't you help me. Help me yo forgive him, I cannot do it. I think I feel angry at him. Angry because all I want is fir him to love me. Fix your eyes on me

[Jynx]

Hey @Former-Member,

Sitting with you. It sounds like you are really stuck, and really suffering. You definitely deserve better - you are worthy of love and care and it's heartbreaking that you aren't even getting acknowledgement from him. Please reach out if you are feeling unsafe at all, and know that we're here for you. 

[Lostandalone]

Oh @Former-Member 

I know this is the no response room, but I have been reading all your posts and I just want to give you a HUGE hug, take you under my wing and away from all the hurt and give you some comfort and reassurance....

I am here with you ni spirit... Stay strong 

[Former-Member]

Please no emails 

Sadness. Hate conflicts, hate disagreements, hate debates, hate harsh words, hate arguments and I don't know how to be when I find myself in amongst or even noticing this in real life. Mostly I just want to hide away from all this. Go into my make believe world. 

[Shaz51]

hugss @Former-Member  and sitting with you xoxo

[Former-Member]

Father I just want to go home. Its all so very hopeless. Can't do it

[Snowie]

I don't deserve this, I don't deserve the help, please no responses. I had another dream again where I ended up torn apart. My pasts seems too be separated, me getting messages from ones of my abusers after all this time have just left me back to where i started. No they cannnot buy me with material things nor think that will help. It will take a lot me then that to make things are ok. I cannot handle all of this at the moment.....

[TheVorticon]

I don't want to walk to the shops and back but I need milk for breakfast tomorrow. It takes almost an hour and I hate going in the dark. Sometimes I imagine frightening things, or that I am the frightening thing.

[Shaz51]

DAMMM if I do and DAMMed if I don't --- arrgggggg

[Maggie]

It doesn’t feel like things get any better. More like the mess just gets messier. I’ve never had any tickets on myself for knowing who I am, but I’m becoming more of a stranger to myself. Just like fitting in, it never has happened, and never will. My life it just one looooooooooong nightmare. I wish I could wake up.