Looking after ourselves
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11-02-2019 07:52 PM - edited 11-02-2019 08:00 PM
11-02-2019 07:52 PM - edited 11-02-2019 08:00 PM
Re: Living with Ourselves
@Sophia1it's good to be in contact with you again... just the fact of there being someone who is prepared to write in length is a very comforting feeling...
On my part... in my life... in my world... I've just been taking on each day as best i can... the underlying illness is still very present... the depot side effects are very strong and there's a whole range of comorbidity problems... this just about sums up my life basically...
There's other stuff going on... but it seems all vein and futile sometimes... i struggle with building and maintaining good relationships (have plenty of problematic relationships)... I'm very selective about who i spend time with (and even these relationships are still very problematic)...
Have a safe place to call home... have some assets... all big responsibilities and requiring $$$ to unkeep and maintain...
Need to constantly rely on my faith to get me through though... definitely lots of issues and problems to get through each day...
There's also a physical and material aspect of my life... I'm aging... so I'm deteriorating... I am active but it is all based around necessity... I'm got physical problems but my mental stuff seems to override it + some of my physical problems have been caused by years of illness, treatment...
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11-02-2019 10:00 PM
11-02-2019 10:00 PM
Re: Living with Ourselves
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12-02-2019 05:33 AM
12-02-2019 05:33 AM
Re: Living with Ourselves
I'll probably always be at risk of relapsing... but hopefully the medication will reduce the severity of each relapse...
I've got my car and all the responsibilities and costs that come with... I've got my animals which need feeding, vet care, love and attention... i got my hygiene, self care and social life to maintain... housework, cleaning, cooking and yard maintenance...
I'd like some gym equipment/weights... so i can do some exercise and get fit/in shape... I've noticed even 5-10 minutes exercise lifts my mood for a few days... as soon as I'm exerting myself... the endorphins start flowing but because the depot is released through my arm muscle(s) exercise does effects how quickly it releases (I believe)
I'd like to get a gaming console... a turtle tank... and a webber bbq... a boat... some stuff for the car is towbal, bullbar, roofracks... but yea all just visions which involve $$$...
I don't really like reaching out for help as it's not the best sign... i don't like being weak, vulnerable and prone to minor relapses induce by triggers... i don't like being mentally ill full stop... i don't like all the bad traits and characteristics about myself... examples negative thinking styles... lack of self control... no discipline, structure, routine and initiative... ie smoking and coffee... but it's basically all apart of the gig...
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12-02-2019 09:39 PM
12-02-2019 09:39 PM
Re: Living with Ourselves
I can tell by your determinationation and knowledge that you have been a person who asks many questions or seeks clarification if you need to. I am actually one of those shyer people who hide away hoping other people can read my mind and ask the questions for me, except for here... so I thank you and those who are brave enough to ask questions.
Part of that I believe is also that im always put down esp when I talk so ive learnt to shut my mouth sort of thing or been to scared to ask questions. Im getting better at it though more so at health appointments because im on my own and I know what I say is confidential (within those limits of course)
I had joined a young persons group previously but it was cancelled due to not enough numbers. It might sound strange but even though I want to be around people my own age I find it so awkward and uncomfortable that it is hard to be around young people (or people in general) I think mostly because of my upbringing and it not being quite as normal as what others may have had it so its hard to relate at all.
Ah yes ive finished 2 blankets now, my rainbow one and another one my my aunt for her grandson. They both worked out quite well. The rainbow one is on the craft thread, perhaps a little while back now but can uplaod another pic if your interested. I can share the other one though as its been all over social media and seen by to many people etc.
I havent done much art lately but ive found mums good camera so I can start doing abit of photography. I do that more at horse events and the likes, it gives me something to do as well.
Enough about me though, How are you holding up the past few days?
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13-02-2019 05:05 PM - edited 13-02-2019 05:52 PM
13-02-2019 05:05 PM - edited 13-02-2019 05:52 PM
Re: Living with Ourselves
@Sophia1update... had a pyschology session yesterday and had psychiatry session today... the theme I'm picking up on-is 'you could be doing more' based on their and the systems agenda... example... volunteering my time... part/full time work... sleeping better... eating better... exercising... and being more active... i said 'it sounds like unrealistic expectations and you shouldn't be disappointed with myself...'
I also said... 'i understand/hear what you're saying and why you're saying it... but what you've got to understand is-that I've been through it all before and it hasn't worked...' 'It's about realistic expectations... and about what I'm imagining and not what you're imagining...'
It's hard to put my trust and faith in people when essentially they've not walked a single day in my shoes... and essentially they're only available by appointment after a lengthy wait... plus they do to me what they do to everyone else... plus are paid and then clock off and become totally different people...
I sensed there was disappointment toward myself from their behalf for not striving to meet their expectations... (not performing like a dancing bear basically...)
But yea i gotta realize they're trying to help me do well and be healthy...
And i said... 'I understand what you're getting at... but what i need you to know is-i am doing everything you're suggesting... just in my own way... and in my own time... based around my own realistic expectations of myself...' 'what it looks like for you... and what it looks like for me... are probably completely differnt visions...' however, I'm trying to take everything on board and make my own interpretation of it and then manifest it-into reality...
The initial problems i presented them with... -was underlying illness/symptoms/thinking styles... medication side effect issues... and comorbidity problems... which was very quickly unacknowledged and discredited... and basically the responsibility and accountability for these matters was passed back onto myself...'
I also talked about my instinctive drive and motivation to provide myself with my basic external needs... which i feel the illness, side effects and comorbidity prevents me from doing... independently without and assistence... because without these I'll probably forever feel and act like I'm never quite complete, satisfied, at peace, mentally well or contented and truly able to self actualize... which will result in desperate attempts to achieve these basic needs by performing and creating internally basically... because I'm externally lacking...it don't seem fair????????????????????
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15-02-2019 04:45 PM
15-02-2019 04:45 PM
Re: Living with Ourselves
The pyschdoc opinon was that i could be doing more... more in the form of volunteering or part time work... i thought dam... I'm kind of doing to much already...
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16-02-2019 01:01 PM
16-02-2019 01:01 PM
Re: Living with Ourselves
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17-02-2019 06:57 PM - edited 17-02-2019 07:42 PM
17-02-2019 06:57 PM - edited 17-02-2019 07:42 PM
Re: Living with Ourselves
@Former-Member I'm getting notifications saying @Sophia1 mentioned me in a comment on my phone home screen/email notifications... but when i check sane there's nothing... can you check if there is a problems with notifications on the sane website? Thanks
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17-02-2019 07:18 PM
17-02-2019 07:18 PM
Re: Living with Ourselves
I will pass this information on to the community managers.
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17-02-2019 07:36 PM
17-02-2019 07:36 PM
Re: Living with Ourselves
Hello @SmallBlueMouse , @Sophia1 , @eudemonism , @outlander , @Former-Member