Separating the behaviour from the illness

[SJT63]

@UprightRabbit. I used to do amazing parties for my kids. I never had one growing up as my birthday was in the Christmas holidays so I hideously over compensated. 

I am going to make a bargello quilt for my room. It's about 15 years since I made a quilt but I used to teach in a local shop when I lived in Melbourne.

I also love crochet. I was almost finished a mandala style bedspread when my last partner died (4 years ago) and I never went back to it.

This weekend hasn't been quite as bad as the last one but still pretty shite. One day I'm sure my neighbours will dial 000. I hate that it takes me half a day to get over each episode so I lose so much time whereas 15 minutes after a 3 hour rant he's back to normal and won't discuss what just happened in case it upsets him again. Saturday morning I wrote him a letter before I went shopping so that I could tell him what had happened overnight from my perspective.

He has asked for tortellini fungi for father's day tea but I've cheated and bought the pasta instead of making it though. Lots of strawbs in the garden so I've done a pav.

Hope the party went well and the doggo is ok. Nelson the cat has a bit of a limp today but I think I'll see if it settles down.

Love, S.

[SJT63]

@UprightRabbit are you still about?

I had my weekend away but spent most of it unwell.... my body expelling all the pent up stress.

I was back less than 24 hours before it all started up again and, as I hadn't unpacked the car yet I left again. I'm staying near work in a bnb. I've had no contact from him since I text Monday night to tell him I wouldn't be home and I didn't answer his calls.

I'm very worried about him but I just can't face going home at the moment. I miss my own place (as I've effectively been away since Friday) and feel just a little resentful that he is in my house while I'm camping out but it's my choice not go back.

I've asked him to get more help than he's getting now, to action all the referrals he has been given for various complaints, as well as his MI.

I feel so lost.

[UprightRabbit]

Hi @SJT63 

I'm sorry I've been gone. Had stuff. To deal with. Lemme make a coffee and catch up.  Hang on.

Rabbit. 

[UprightRabbit]

Hi @SJT63 

You have done exactly what I did. There are waaay too many parallels. Our bodies will only pay the price for so long, then they shout at us that they can't pay it any more. Our minds will struggle to continue for longer but our bodies tell us the truth. 

I did just that only the bnb I stayed in was - naughty- the one I work in. Between guests obviously.  What is happening now - where are you geographically, what is your status? 

Rabbit. 

[UprightRabbit]

I hear you feeling lost. I'd like you to feel that a roadmap out of here can be created. Can I ask, is there any sense of peace in at least knowing you don't need to endure any more of his behaviour for today at least? How much farther are you prepared to go?

Here for you. Late, but here.