Its all falling Apart. Please Help!

[Zahlia]

Hi @NotSoCrayCray 

I'm so sorry you are having an awful day 😞 It is best to call the helplines as we are not a crisis service here. Keep trying Lifeline 13 11 14 or Suicide Callback 1300 659 467.

What have you done in these situations before?

Zahlia

[NotSoCrayCray]

Never been in this situation before. 

Im not suicidal, i just want to talk to some carers support people. Im emotional, paniced, scared ect. Im struggling quiet a bit. Im completely lost, I cant do anything but bloody sit here and upset myself. I fell like i may be having some sort of breakdown, but then again I realise this so maybe not.

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @NotSoCrayCray

it sounds like you know yourself well and you know when you need to speak to someone as a circiut breaker for your thoughts. Even though you are not suicidal (very glad to hear) lifeline as suggested by Zahlia are the best people to speak with or you are always welcome to call through to our helpline 1800 18 7263? 

[NotSoCrayCray]

Thanks. Ill give that a try if I loose it again. Ive managed to calm down a bit for the moment, i was having a panic attack earlier. First one ive ever had. This is definetly taking its toll on me.

[NotSoCrayCray]

Well that was pointless. Morons dont want to talk at all, they just expect me to call bloody lifeline. 

"Oh sorry we are closed" yet the bloody answer the phone... This is fucked! During the time when peoiple would need them the most, they are closed... 

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @NotSoCrayCray

I am very sorry that you received that response, we are in different offices so I was unaware. Please dont let that deter you from seeking help and do access lifeline if you need to chat, they are there 24/7, sorry 

[perseverer]

Hello @NotSoCrayCray, I read your post and thread with interest and concern. It is difficult caring for a mentally ill person; it is so much more so when they do not accept their illness or seek and follow treatment. On top of this, her family is prepared to blame you for her problems. This is certainly what happened with me and my husband's family. I remember going through a period a lot like the one you are currently experiencing. There are few things I would like to say.

First, you did everything you could to be loving and caring. But sometimes that is not enough to make a situation work. When my husband was acting like your wife I had support from the local hospital. This was in New Zealand. When there was domestic violence they picked him up and admitted him to the psyche ward, purely because I asked them to. That will not happen here. And therefore, there really is no way for you to establish a boundary. You are at the whim of your wife's illness and that is a dangerous place to be.

You need to get out right now, in my opinion. Maybe with an absence your wife will see things a little more clearly and you might have some room for negotiation. However, I was told when I was in your situation that often the MI partner actually does better when they are on their own. I was counselled not to expect things to come right.

As it turned out, things did come right for me. I was able to establish boundaries for my husband and he learnt very quickly what he would lose if he kept behaving the way he was behaving. It is only now, sixteen years later, that he has come to accept that he has schiziaffective disorder. His parents were quite convinced that his only problem was me, and his paranoia very nearly ended our marriage. My husband now appreciates my care and he reciprocates in many wonderful ways. He has come a long, long way.

If I was in your shoes without the support, I would definitely be getting out to look after my safety. Often with MI there is not just the MI but personality disorders as well. I suppose it all comes under the MI banner. But you are NOT safe as you are right now. Like you I have never been able to get through to Lifeline. You would probably benefit more from a psychologist or social worker. Protect yourself and you will be able to see and think more clearly about the next step. All the best.

[NotSoCrayCray]

hI perseverer

Thanks for your concern and advice. Its been pretty rough the last few weeks and im all over the place. Today I kinda broke down for a few hours. I feel rather lost and in dunno, in limbo I guess. Im copming up with all sorts of conspiracy theories about whats going on and i cant bloody help it. Its a very frustrating downwards spiral. The more you think about it, the more ideas you get that just upset you and make you think about it more...

For some reason, i have now become the enemy. So much so, that she wont even come home now. Its as if ive done something terrible. Problem is, I dont know what it is. I mean, it cant really be because of things like the toilet seat being up 50% of the time or the odd sock here and there surely?? Is it possible that her mental illness is actually making these things seem like legitemate problems?? I dont know. Ant its not like these things are new. I mean ive always been like that and always will be.

She waits till im at work and rushes in grabs some stuff and leaves. She seems to be slowly taking all our posessions away... I could get pissy and start doing the same, but i dont feel like its the right thing to do. I can afford new stuff, she wont be able to really.

I cant really leave. I dont have anywhere to go. Nowhere acceptable anyway. I have my dogs to consider and I cant ask people to take them in indefinetly. They need to stay here for a while, but she wont look after them. I have talked to the people who live in my other house and they are willing to leave, but I will have to cover their bond and rent in advance at the new place, wich I am willing to do. So i have to wait till they get a new place, but it shouildnt take more than a few weeks. 

As far as my ex is concerned. Im extremely worried about her. This whole behaviour is unlike her. Id like an explination, but most of all, I just want her to be ok. I wish I had a way to help her, but now that shes shut me out, I feel helpless. 

[perseverer]

Hi @NotSoCrayCray, I know only too well how wretched you are feeling, how confused, helpless and frustrated. When my husband was paranoid (he has schizoaffective disorder), he thought I was trying to poison his food. He imagined that I was ganging up against him with my colleagues at work.  My eldest son also has schizoaffective disorder and he thought I was in league with the Antichrist and refused to see me or speak to me.  In his deluded state of mind he thought that certain brands were out to get him - Target, for example, whereas some brands were benign. He also felt threatened by some colours - purple and red. There is no rationality to it, so stop trying to find reasons to blame yourself. You did not cause this; it is her illness. Unless she is compliant with treatment there are limitations of what you can do to help her. The three things that help the most are SAFETY, SECURITY and STABILITY. Yours and hers. But while she obviously is deluded and thinks you are threatening, it is best NOT to try and approach her and intervene. You could try explaining the nature of her illness to people she knows and trusts and see if they can help her by being reassuring and directing her to medical attention which she urgently needs.

[NotSoCrayCray]

Hi perserverer

Yer ive tried to mention it to her friends, but they are a but off themselves so its not much help. The other problem is that I have no idea where she is, or who shes staying with to even tell them.

Do you think its out of the ordinary for me to pay a visit to her psych office to let her know whats happening??
When she does go there, no matter how bad things are for her at the time, she lies and make out shes doing better, and refuses to do the "activities" shes given.

Thing is, if shed just snap out of it, tell me whats been happening, and apologize for her appalling behavior, id definitely forgive her and try help. Sounds pathetic given what shes put me through, but I love her and I want her to get better.

This whole ordeal is causing me a hell of a lot of stress, and the financial side of it will probably break me. I dont know if I can do it alone, this is not how I planned everything. If I knew I was going to have to do it alone, id never have taken on so much. 😞

Ive organised alternative accommodation, but I have to wait 3 weeks. Hopefully I dont crack before then. Im on edge while living here, and when I go out or go to work, im worried ill miss her if she does come back.

My feelings are all over the place. I really really want to see her and give her a big hug, but at the same time I want her to stay away because Im sick of being attacked and treated like crap all the time.

Its all very confusing 😞